Same ol' same ol'

I was so lazy to update my blog. Not that I have a lot of things to say.

I've been noticing that this lately I was so super duper sensitive.

I tear up for no reason. M's jokes sounded so cynical. feeling so blues, give the winter an extra cold.

Nak mati dah ke ni?

Maybe I had a midlife crisis before getting to midlife age yet. Probably I felt helpless after 30ish years of living what I have contribute; to myself, to household, to family and to society. I got really fedup when I talked to mak and she unselfconsciously made a remarks of how dependent my life to M despite all the degrees.

I started to regret for not continue PhD. but again it's all money oriented. the passion is not there nor now but I was motivated when I saw people who is a wife and a mother doing it.

but life is funny, when I decided to do something that will make my life miserably stuck for another good 4 years, M will get a very good offer and he will let it go just for me.

AND I DONT WANT THAT to happen again . EVER

but after 3 years look where and how I am now

Am i any happier? Are we moving up somewhere?

If this a test, ya Allah tabahkanlah hatiku.

For time had passed

When most people toasted each other and partying all night on new year's eve, a good friend of M was battling with his life. A bile cancer is taken its toll on him. his life is just hours away.

Once a 6 footer with athletic body and smile that can lit up the whole room, now is so frail and succumb to oxygen support and an I.V

I looked at his wife and tried to empathy her situation. Masyaa Allah she is a strong lady. I cannot imagine if I were in her shoes. With 2 young children under aged of 10. Very close to the father.

Technically, although I have lost ayah, I didnt have much of experience dealing with close friends, relatives or family who is terminally ill. I've gone through the post-experience of loss but not the pre-experience. Ayah was in his best shape after 4 days in his worse before he passed away. Iwasnt there when he 'at the moment'.

While M, he yet to experience a loss or 'at the moment'. It must be a terrible thing to go through for first timer.

Looking through for a lot of events, canceled and delay, I thank Allah for things happen for reason.

F - Looking at you bedridden like that, it takes a miracle for you to be a healthy you again but I will not give up to pray for you, I wish you to be healthy again, if not I hope you will go in peace.

L- I admire your courage. Be strong.

:)

I thanked God for you as the one that I spend life with

Thank you for always be there
Thank you for always wanting to be there
Thank you for sharing the laughter
Thank you for the morning hugs even if you're mad
Thank you for thanking me for each meal I cooked
Thank you for being the best man for me
Thank you for after all these years,you make me feel loved no less

I love you and always

Happy Anniversary love

Yesterday was my 9th wedding anniversary. This time I didnt forget.

There's reason why I didnt. tak bleh cakap la nanti kantoi

~~~~

the other day, M and I watched hellboy II and in the movie, Hellboy and Abe sang Barry Manilow's I cant smile

When M and I living apart, there were times he was a romantic silly and sent me some lagu lah

I think u guys pretty much can guess at least one of the few

but as an oldie as he looks now, he sang this song to me... aiyoooo so groovy k

I watched the simpson the other day. the simpsons moved out from springfield and Homer got a new job. During the office tour, the boss asked him

Boss: why do want to work here, Homer?
Homer: Because I love to work with you
Boss: My butt is for sitting , not for kissing.

Whurrdd!!

Indeed it is.

Out of sight, out of mind

Must be the hormone pills.

my mood swings like a whirlwind tornado.

and am feeling all blues

and frustrated

~~~~~

I should not continue writing coz I have nothing nice to say

Nur Kasih

More than a year ago, few friends encouraged me to watch NurKasih.

Aku bab drama melayu nih ada sket kurang lah beb.

I so cannot tahan all the meraung, skrip ntah hapa2 .. and romantic yg tak logik

Recently, i told myself why dont I give it a try.

Mencariklah di youtube

I couldnt find the episodes in the youtube but one thing forsure, there 26 episodes of them.

Kalau tgk bila masa nak abis nih

I found this website, and the blogger was so nice to write write a spoiler of each episode.

I finished all 26 episodes in less than half hour without having to watch the drama, the tears, etc etc