it's a girl

I got all these classic symptoms that for sure the baby in my belly would be a boy.

I only can eat sour and spicy food.  Less queasiness in the AM. Hate sweet stuff.

I even have a glowing face.

so when today during my mid-pregnancy echography scan, we both were not keen on surprise and opted to know the gender of the baby. Inside my heart, although I was so 50-50, I am hoping for a boy. Well, there are many reasons , we want a boy

1.  M is looking forward to a boy
2. I am tired of people relating my mother's demise with the gender of the baby.
3. I hate all girly, princessy stuff
4. I have to deal with their periods and bf's stories
5. I have to make sure they look nice and presentable. I CANT put anything on them. People is so judgemental
6. If she's like me I don't want her to go through what I've been through.

When the Dr. Babineau said that the baby is a girl. I turned into panic mode, well more to disappointed. After all, what had happened to me this year, I hope Allah at least gimme a boy. Actually to be fair, I just pray that Allah would make my pregnancy easy, I have a safe delivery and the baby would be healthy and may Allah protects he/she.  I never pray for a baby boy. Dr. B had to leave the room cause I looked flustered. I hold M's hand and said " but you want a boy"
I know M was upset at me. He said he doesnt care if it's a girl or a boy as long as the baby is safe. And maybe that's the best for us.
Oh Allah, Your knowledge is so great, I would not ever comprehend it. Only You know what best for us, please reward me a patience and strength. Please make me one of Your grateful slaves. Ameen
On a final note which M thinks that he should record it, I told him loud, "Please no pink in the house."
Oh my dear princess. I will love you no matter what. I hope you will be better than me and your father. May you be Aisyah RA, or Khadijah RA or Maryam.

Oh well, I turned out to be alright.

a very very sad day

I lost my mom to cancer on the day I was 18 weeks pregnant.

It's too painful to write about it and crushed me to pieces to think about it.

May Allah rewards you and ayah His Jannah. May we will meet again in hereafter.

I love you Mak. I already miss you a lot.

road to nowhere

i havent write for quite a while. i was pretty much roasted when i got home. on my last day at work i never thought that i would be so happy and relieve.

i mean pretty much now, we both jobless. feel pretty suck. feel my ego bruised.
but i didnt realize how much my body screaming for rest. A total and complete rest.
I miss some of my colleagues but as l'Americano said, "once you feel like you dragging yourself to work, it's time to hit the road". indeed, he was right!
that's exactly my feeling after they let my boss go. it was difficult to discuss something that should take a split of second decision to hours of explaining.
My doc keep on asking me to slow down. i forgot that i am no longer a spring chicken.

well i guess back to be frugal. and the worst part going back to job hunting.
re-writing resume is a pain task.
am looking forward to berhijrah somewhere in gulf states. close to home and hopefully we can finally pay our last duty to do pilgrimage.

money is good too. but again when M said that the furries have to be confined at home. my body shuttered. you cannot confined the boys, once they tasted the freedom, they will never turn back.

of course if i want to list the cons, the list has no end.

but for now, i am taking it a day at a time. as M put it, " you dont have to worry a thing "

bless your soul dear beautiful husband

and it begins

exactly at 09h45 18/12/2015, i saw the first heartbeat.

May Allah make it easy and safe.

my reference to itchy scalp

www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html

Treating My Itchy Scalp: My Current Oil Mix

For about a month, I have been applying a mix of coconut, lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oil to my scalp before I wash (as my hot oil treatment) and to my scalp 1 or 2 days a week for a scalp massage. The oil mix has really helped with the serborrheic dermatitis that has been terrorizing my scalp since June. My scalp isn't as itchy and the scales of dandruff (doesn't that sound gross? haha) are now limited to the front portion of my head, near my widows peak, whereas before, I experienced dandruff all over. I've found that when I apply and massage the oil mix into my scalp the day after I wash, my scalp does a lot better during the week. Applying the oil before SD flares up diminishes it during the week.

I've decided to add vitamin E oil to the mix for it's healing properties. Hopefully I can report in a few weeks that my scalp is faring even better.

Edited the post to include how much of what is in the mix:

1 oz of coconut oil
8 drops of lavender oil
8 drops of eucalyptus oil
8 drops of tea tree oil
20 drops of vitamin E oil

With smiles,

- See more at: http://www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html#sthash.v85zjddx.dpuf

Treating My Itchy Scalp: My Current Oil Mix

For about a month, I have been applying a mix of coconut, lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oil to my scalp before I wash (as my hot oil treatment) and to my scalp 1 or 2 days a week for a scalp massage. The oil mix has really helped with the serborrheic dermatitis that has been terrorizing my scalp since June. My scalp isn't as itchy and the scales of dandruff (doesn't that sound gross? haha) are now limited to the front portion of my head, near my widows peak, whereas before, I experienced dandruff all over. I've found that when I apply and massage the oil mix into my scalp the day after I wash, my scalp does a lot better during the week. Applying the oil before SD flares up diminishes it during the week.

I've decided to add vitamin E oil to the mix for it's healing properties. Hopefully I can report in a few weeks that my scalp is faring even better.

Edited the post to include how much of what is in the mix:

1 oz of coconut oil
8 drops of lavender oil
8 drops of eucalyptus oil
8 drops of tea tree oil
20 drops of vitamin E oil

With smiles,

- See more at: http://www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html#sthash.v85zjddx.dpuf

Treating My Itchy Scalp: My Current Oil Mix

For about a month, I have been applying a mix of coconut, lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oil to my scalp before I wash (as my hot oil treatment) and to my scalp 1 or 2 days a week for a scalp massage. The oil mix has really helped with the serborrheic dermatitis that has been terrorizing my scalp since June. My scalp isn't as itchy and the scales of dandruff (doesn't that sound gross? haha) are now limited to the front portion of my head, near my widows peak, whereas before, I experienced dandruff all over. I've found that when I apply and massage the oil mix into my scalp the day after I wash, my scalp does a lot better during the week. Applying the oil before SD flares up diminishes it during the week.

I've decided to add vitamin E oil to the mix for it's healing properties. Hopefully I can report in a few weeks that my scalp is faring even better.

Edited the post to include how much of what is in the mix:

1 oz of coconut oil
8 drops of lavender oil
8 drops of eucalyptus oil
8 drops of tea tree oil
20 drops of vitamin E oil

With smiles,

- See more at: http://www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html#sthash.v85zjddx.dpuf

kenapa perlu marah

maafkan sajalah

Ya Allah thank you sungguh sungguh. Alhamdullilah

one of my daily happiest moment

• on my bed, listening to Junior's soft purrs.. so purrfect

• weekends morning, warmly tug under the blanket, cuddle by M and one by one the furries climbed up to the bed and purrs ....super perfect 

i know having children means a lot or to some couple means everything.
i know we dont work as hard pray as hard to do whatever it gets to procreate an offspring

but i always know, Allah AWT always has a better plan for me and M.

i know one day my tears of hopeless will be tears of joy.

if the day never come, i am already happy with what i have been loaned for

A loving husband and diva furries

Thank you ya Allah, for life is now is truly a blessing