I miss you mak!

Hello 30 weeks!

Yesterday my feeling was a roller coaster. I got huge panic attack. I badly want my mak to be by my side. I even felt to dig her grave and do whatever to make her alive.

I was so scared. I need her soothing voice to calm me down. I need her small hand to hold me tight. I need her voice to tell me, everything will be just alright.

The baby growth rate is unstoppable. Today alone, she kicked my ribs like nobody business. Oh we will see you when you out of my womb. I probably scared she will be a little me. A tiny energy bunny. I will lose some weight for sure and daddy will lose some hairs.

This is the first time, I didn't follow M for terawih. I retorted but he said for my own good. He reminded me that I am heavily pregnant. It's time for me to have more rest but by doing so I become so restless.

Ya Allah, please ease my affairs. Ameen

Week 28 check up

Few days and I will bid adieu to this place. So yesterday was my last appointment with dr N and to discuss my latest blood & urine test.

I was dreadful to see my glucose bloodwork. I've been chomping myself chocolates, ice creams like mad in the AM. I love all those junks but I can't stand the aftertaste that lingering at the back of my throat. however, when dr N played the drum roll and I was shocked when she said tha my hb is low and there was a present of GBS in my urine.

Low blood and bacteria?!!!

Mayday! Mayday!

Well, I wasn't surprised with low blood ( from 11.2 to 9.4), I experienced some dizziness and losing some balance during my daily walk. And I wear out easily after dzuhur.  and I neither eat greens nor meat.
But taking iron pills means big huge C. Although my bowel movement is under control with my berak potion, the feeling of C is unsettling.

For GBS, I have no idea where it came from. I asked dr N, as if I contracted STDs. When you have a very active baby galloping in your belly and your mommy's instinct is kicking in, you will automatically feel to be a super hero and save the world of the lil one.

You will literally want to do anything for her. Failed to chill out and be cool like a cucumber.

"Kalau hang gedik bila besaq nanti, memang padaaaaa"

Beside the big C, GBS is something last thing I should be worried about apparently. They will just put me into IV penicilin drip 4 hours prior to labor. To be honest, I am not looking forward to be in a labor pain for more than 15min, 4 hours? are you freaking kidding me.

Good luck you!

small note. after 7 mths I only gained 4.9 or 4.6kg. Although my arms look like mini chicken wings and I still can't fly,  and aesthetically ugly, I am pretty relief that my weight is way under control. Judging from how 'healthy" I've been eating for the past 3 months.

it's a girl

I got all these classic symptoms that for sure the baby in my belly would be a boy.

I only can eat sour and spicy food.  Less queasiness in the AM. Hate sweet stuff.

I even have a glowing face.

so when today during my mid-pregnancy echography scan, we both were not keen on surprise and opted to know the gender of the baby. Inside my heart, although I was so 50-50, I am hoping for a boy. Well, there are many reasons , we want a boy

1.  M is looking forward to a boy
2. I am tired of people relating my mother's demise with the gender of the baby.
3. I hate all girly, princessy stuff
4. I have to deal with their periods and bf's stories
5. I have to make sure they look nice and presentable. I CANT put anything on them. People is so judgemental
6. If she's like me I don't want her to go through what I've been through.

When the Dr. Babineau said that the baby is a girl. I turned into panic mode, well more to disappointed. After all, what had happened to me this year, I hope Allah at least gimme a boy. Actually to be fair, I just pray that Allah would make my pregnancy easy, I have a safe delivery and the baby would be healthy and may Allah protects he/she.  I never pray for a baby boy. Dr. B had to leave the room cause I looked flustered. I hold M's hand and said " but you want a boy"
I know M was upset at me. He said he doesnt care if it's a girl or a boy as long as the baby is safe. And maybe that's the best for us.
Oh Allah, Your knowledge is so great, I would not ever comprehend it. Only You know what best for us, please reward me a patience and strength. Please make me one of Your grateful slaves. Ameen
On a final note which M thinks that he should record it, I told him loud, "Please no pink in the house."
Oh my dear princess. I will love you no matter what. I hope you will be better than me and your father. May you be Aisyah RA, or Khadijah RA or Maryam.

Oh well, I turned out to be alright.

a very very sad day

I lost my mom to cancer on the day I was 18 weeks pregnant.

It's too painful to write about it and crushed me to pieces to think about it.

May Allah rewards you and ayah His Jannah. May we will meet again in hereafter.

I love you Mak. I already miss you a lot.

road to nowhere

i havent write for quite a while. i was pretty much roasted when i got home. on my last day at work i never thought that i would be so happy and relieve.

i mean pretty much now, we both jobless. feel pretty suck. feel my ego bruised.
but i didnt realize how much my body screaming for rest. A total and complete rest.
I miss some of my colleagues but as l'Americano said, "once you feel like you dragging yourself to work, it's time to hit the road". indeed, he was right!
that's exactly my feeling after they let my boss go. it was difficult to discuss something that should take a split of second decision to hours of explaining.
My doc keep on asking me to slow down. i forgot that i am no longer a spring chicken.

well i guess back to be frugal. and the worst part going back to job hunting.
re-writing resume is a pain task.
am looking forward to berhijrah somewhere in gulf states. close to home and hopefully we can finally pay our last duty to do pilgrimage.

money is good too. but again when M said that the furries have to be confined at home. my body shuttered. you cannot confined the boys, once they tasted the freedom, they will never turn back.

of course if i want to list the cons, the list has no end.

but for now, i am taking it a day at a time. as M put it, " you dont have to worry a thing "

bless your soul dear beautiful husband

and it begins

exactly at 09h45 18/12/2015, i saw the first heartbeat.

May Allah make it easy and safe.

my reference to itchy scalp

www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html

Treating My Itchy Scalp: My Current Oil Mix

For about a month, I have been applying a mix of coconut, lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oil to my scalp before I wash (as my hot oil treatment) and to my scalp 1 or 2 days a week for a scalp massage. The oil mix has really helped with the serborrheic dermatitis that has been terrorizing my scalp since June. My scalp isn't as itchy and the scales of dandruff (doesn't that sound gross? haha) are now limited to the front portion of my head, near my widows peak, whereas before, I experienced dandruff all over. I've found that when I apply and massage the oil mix into my scalp the day after I wash, my scalp does a lot better during the week. Applying the oil before SD flares up diminishes it during the week.

I've decided to add vitamin E oil to the mix for it's healing properties. Hopefully I can report in a few weeks that my scalp is faring even better.

Edited the post to include how much of what is in the mix:

1 oz of coconut oil
8 drops of lavender oil
8 drops of eucalyptus oil
8 drops of tea tree oil
20 drops of vitamin E oil

With smiles,

- See more at: http://www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html#sthash.v85zjddx.dpuf

Treating My Itchy Scalp: My Current Oil Mix

For about a month, I have been applying a mix of coconut, lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oil to my scalp before I wash (as my hot oil treatment) and to my scalp 1 or 2 days a week for a scalp massage. The oil mix has really helped with the serborrheic dermatitis that has been terrorizing my scalp since June. My scalp isn't as itchy and the scales of dandruff (doesn't that sound gross? haha) are now limited to the front portion of my head, near my widows peak, whereas before, I experienced dandruff all over. I've found that when I apply and massage the oil mix into my scalp the day after I wash, my scalp does a lot better during the week. Applying the oil before SD flares up diminishes it during the week.

I've decided to add vitamin E oil to the mix for it's healing properties. Hopefully I can report in a few weeks that my scalp is faring even better.

Edited the post to include how much of what is in the mix:

1 oz of coconut oil
8 drops of lavender oil
8 drops of eucalyptus oil
8 drops of tea tree oil
20 drops of vitamin E oil

With smiles,

- See more at: http://www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html#sthash.v85zjddx.dpuf

Treating My Itchy Scalp: My Current Oil Mix

For about a month, I have been applying a mix of coconut, lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oil to my scalp before I wash (as my hot oil treatment) and to my scalp 1 or 2 days a week for a scalp massage. The oil mix has really helped with the serborrheic dermatitis that has been terrorizing my scalp since June. My scalp isn't as itchy and the scales of dandruff (doesn't that sound gross? haha) are now limited to the front portion of my head, near my widows peak, whereas before, I experienced dandruff all over. I've found that when I apply and massage the oil mix into my scalp the day after I wash, my scalp does a lot better during the week. Applying the oil before SD flares up diminishes it during the week.

I've decided to add vitamin E oil to the mix for it's healing properties. Hopefully I can report in a few weeks that my scalp is faring even better.

Edited the post to include how much of what is in the mix:

1 oz of coconut oil
8 drops of lavender oil
8 drops of eucalyptus oil
8 drops of tea tree oil
20 drops of vitamin E oil

With smiles,

- See more at: http://www.justgrowalready.com/2011/08/current-oil-mix.html#sthash.v85zjddx.dpuf