I was so lazy to update my blog. Not that I have a lot of things to say.
I've been noticing that this lately I was so super duper sensitive.
I tear up for no reason. M's jokes sounded so cynical. feeling so blues, give the winter an extra cold.
Nak mati dah ke ni?
Maybe I had a midlife crisis before getting to midlife age yet. Probably I felt helpless after 30ish years of living what I have contribute; to myself, to household, to family and to society. I got really fedup when I talked to mak and she unselfconsciously made a remarks of how dependent my life to M despite all the degrees.
I started to regret for not continue PhD. but again it's all money oriented. the passion is not there nor now but I was motivated when I saw people who is a wife and a mother doing it.
but life is funny, when I decided to do something that will make my life miserably stuck for another good 4 years, M will get a very good offer and he will let it go just for me.
AND I DONT WANT THAT to happen again . EVER
but after 3 years look where and how I am now
Am i any happier? Are we moving up somewhere?
If this a test, ya Allah tabahkanlah hatiku.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
For time had passed
When most people toasted each other and partying all night on new year's eve, a good friend of M was battling with his life. A bile cancer is taken its toll on him. his life is just hours away.
Once a 6 footer with athletic body and smile that can lit up the whole room, now is so frail and succumb to oxygen support and an I.V
I looked at his wife and tried to empathy her situation. Masyaa Allah she is a strong lady. I cannot imagine if I were in her shoes. With 2 young children under aged of 10. Very close to the father.
Technically, although I have lost ayah, I didnt have much of experience dealing with close friends, relatives or family who is terminally ill. I've gone through the post-experience of loss but not the pre-experience. Ayah was in his best shape after 4 days in his worse before he passed away. Iwasnt there when he 'at the moment'.
While M, he yet to experience a loss or 'at the moment'. It must be a terrible thing to go through for first timer.
Looking through for a lot of events, canceled and delay, I thank Allah for things happen for reason.
F - Looking at you bedridden like that, it takes a miracle for you to be a healthy you again but I will not give up to pray for you, I wish you to be healthy again, if not I hope you will go in peace.
L- I admire your courage. Be strong.
Once a 6 footer with athletic body and smile that can lit up the whole room, now is so frail and succumb to oxygen support and an I.V
I looked at his wife and tried to empathy her situation. Masyaa Allah she is a strong lady. I cannot imagine if I were in her shoes. With 2 young children under aged of 10. Very close to the father.
Technically, although I have lost ayah, I didnt have much of experience dealing with close friends, relatives or family who is terminally ill. I've gone through the post-experience of loss but not the pre-experience. Ayah was in his best shape after 4 days in his worse before he passed away. Iwasnt there when he 'at the moment'.
While M, he yet to experience a loss or 'at the moment'. It must be a terrible thing to go through for first timer.
Looking through for a lot of events, canceled and delay, I thank Allah for things happen for reason.
F - Looking at you bedridden like that, it takes a miracle for you to be a healthy you again but I will not give up to pray for you, I wish you to be healthy again, if not I hope you will go in peace.
L- I admire your courage. Be strong.
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