Same ol' same ol'

I was so lazy to update my blog. Not that I have a lot of things to say.

I've been noticing that this lately I was so super duper sensitive.

I tear up for no reason. M's jokes sounded so cynical. feeling so blues, give the winter an extra cold.

Nak mati dah ke ni?

Maybe I had a midlife crisis before getting to midlife age yet. Probably I felt helpless after 30ish years of living what I have contribute; to myself, to household, to family and to society. I got really fedup when I talked to mak and she unselfconsciously made a remarks of how dependent my life to M despite all the degrees.

I started to regret for not continue PhD. but again it's all money oriented. the passion is not there nor now but I was motivated when I saw people who is a wife and a mother doing it.

but life is funny, when I decided to do something that will make my life miserably stuck for another good 4 years, M will get a very good offer and he will let it go just for me.

AND I DONT WANT THAT to happen again . EVER

but after 3 years look where and how I am now

Am i any happier? Are we moving up somewhere?

If this a test, ya Allah tabahkanlah hatiku.