I love you

the first time in my entire life I uttered these 3 words to any homosapiens alive was to M, 2 hours after the aqad.

err.. actually I think I did say I love you to Jordan Knight and Donnie Walhberg. Numerous times.
and in return, they sang a love song to me.

Percayakah? Ahaks

 ******

Few nites ago, we had a Malaysian Cultural Night. As usual, I was in-charged in cooking department with a group of amazing adiks tino and jate.
Since I promised dearest M to go back with him, I had to bid adieu before everyone else. All happy and in jolly mood, the girls thanked me and when I reached to the junction girls, they would go extra mile by saying  * I ❤ U *. to me.

Instead of saying something wise or smart like *me too!*. A foolish me just made a cricket sound and smile.

But I am more than convinced that they knew, the word " I love you " can't even translate the feelings I have for them.

How sweet and thoughtful it sounds but when it comes to the love word, it brings me more sadness than happiness.

less they know.

*******

of course, these adiks are not the 1st who proclaimed their sisterly love publicly to me.  Indeed, I didnt reply in verbally or writing that much. very rare indeed.

how easy the lips muttered those 3 words during happy moment, people have the slightest idea how despair it is when it said during tears rolling down the cheeks, minutes away to wave last goodbye with the uncertainty of future meetings. 

I still vividly remembered the *I love you kak* whispered to my ears during those goodbye hugs. the *i love you, kak* text message. the cards etc. 

it was the most intense *I love you* I could ever received from someone whose relationship with me is a 4 years (some is more) friendship.

How could I reply *I love you* when one day, without doubt,  instead with smile and laughter, it will end in tears.