I had a chance to spend quality time with mak for almost 2 months. but alas, things didnt came out as I planned/wished. After 4 years of separation and the contact medium was only telephone, I found that mak has formed to a new 'ripe' woman who thinks that she can handle things all by herself in her own way. Which in our travel conditions or in my way of dealing official matters with government officers doesnt sync very well with hers. It left me with abundant stress, raging hormones, and sadly buckets of tears. I always get my way with M thru tears but not with my defiant mak. She became a bureacratic-colonial nightmare and I, opposite to that, was battled to stand for what I believe in while tried so hard no to hurting her over-sensitively feelings.
I love my mak dearly. I am glad I have relinquished the traditional uptight bringing ( or an ol' boyish me) of a NO-NO hugging or kissing dear mom. I want to kiss her forehead or her cheeks while she's still breathing and tell her how much I love her or whatnot. Although I have been a total spoiled of not going to kitchen at all for the month and half but in 10 days of her stays in Canada, I cooked (although I know she would complained or commented later to my sisters), cleaned or things that I can do to serve her. M also was a charm. Although I know at times, she may feel annoyed at me but with M, she felt that she was well-respected by her son-in-law. maybe the liz claiborne stilletos does the trick. hmm.. I wonder.
To mak, whatever it is. I love you with all my heart, my deepest apology for any misdeeds I have done and hurting words I have spilled. Never any of these incidents were intended. I think.
Mak, I wished you well and have a healthy life and longer years to live so we will be able to do this again. hopefully you are strong enough to take care of me during my labor days. Not it will come so soon. So mak stay healthy and take good care of yourself.
love XOXO ~axxx~
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