Dang

my 11th year of anniversary and I completely forgot about it.
M knew I forget about it BIG TIME. and make it worse he walked to store to get me a present while I jimba2 with friends.

what a thankful wife.

I am going to make it up with breakfast . hehehehe

Fundraising

for past couple of days, I was occupied myself for something that is at least not for me.
it was so thoughtful of adik2 while in the middle of studying for finals, they took some time off to raise some funds for Gaza.
great idea but also required good commitment. they pulled through, of course, with few glitches but being a 1st timer, it wasn't bad at all.

i felt sorry for the mess, the oil spilled we left behind the 'markas'. the storm after cooking was so not fun but it has to be done.

it was a tiring experience yet fulfilling. what an amazing team to work with. I believe there will be series of successes following their footsteps in the future.

ponder

Everyday, I wake up and think - what else I dont have..?
Everyday, I drive on the busy street and sigh - why I cant have..?
Everyday, I chat and talk and complain - if ever I have..?

but so often, I forgot to think, be thankful and grateful with things I have, own and share..

Alhamdullilah. O ya Allah, guide me to the right path. Ameen

the day when I turned 37

tuaaaa nyaaa!!!!

Usually there will be 2 people never failed to wish me a Happy Birthday.

M usually the 1st one who wished me, gave me hug whatever but on that morning he just woke up and went straight to washroom.

I was hmmm dlm hati ada hujan.

Went to washroom and took a shower, when I got up from the shower, M gave me my birthday hug with 2 lollies.

HE DIDN'T FORGET ..yeayyy

but my mom unusually didnt message me or reply my message or picked up my call. I mean this is so not her.
I hope she's fine. Technically, I havent spoke to her for about 3 weeks.

Ya Allah, lindungi ibuku dr segala malapetaka, kurniakanlah dirinya kesihatan yang baik dan badan yg kuat. Ameen

a year older. Alhamdullilah . thank you Allah for everything

happy birthday to me

rule of thumb of my friendshipness

I would consider myself a pretty sincere person and sucker for honesty when it comes to friendship.
I pretty much don't really ask their family background or education or status of wealth.
Well, i think I used to be like that when I was young until one day a friend taught me a lesson, the superficiality matters of a person which doesnt do any good for a very true and sincere friendship.

true indeed.

Maybe because I dont have all the glorious things to brag on for that I dont care to ask.

Pleaselah next time dont ask my husband or I again whether my husband masuk university ke tak? or repeatedly ask the name of univ my husband attended and the course he took again and again?

If you dont believe it , it does not matter to you. We dont expect you to pay our bills.

And I detest two-faced people. they are ugly and disgusting. I know some people be friend with others for their own benefits but don't please DON'T pretend that you are only acquaintance with certain people for the sake of your benefits.

it's not nice and disgraceful.

I have no room for people like this. I am only interested to know them by their 1st name only. nothing more.
 

Boycott

all companies that support Israel.

guess what it is including COACH

I guess I need to find alternate graduation gifts this year.

Periksa

M passed one of his exam this morning but the toughest one will follow suit.

I am still in the battle of actually starting my reading for MY exam.

apasai aku sangat malas nih

under the weather

this morning, I woke up and cried.

A sudden thought of two of my best and closest friends I have in O-town will soon leave in June/July.

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” -khalil gibran

Stinky winky Bart

my house is ship-wrecked.

cleaning is in full gear. I am giving M a slack because he has an exam this tuesday.
the bed sheet needs to change, unfortunately, my cats have the habit to take a nap on our bed after a short business #2 trip outside.

covered himself with the warm thick blanket, Bart snoozed soundly. I took a peek to give a quick smack, right when I lifted the blanket

aiyayayaya

He smelled like a rotten peat moss. yuck!

Overhearing my grumbles, M came into the room.

M: what's up with all the fuss?
AC: go ahead and take a sniff under the blanket.

M lifted the blanket and cat-talked with Bart. *sick*

M: Bart told me "since when I smell nice!"

and he laughed out loud.

I was so closed to stick Bart's butt into his mouth but I just ordered him to take off the bedsheet and do laundry.

M did laundry all right. *bleh*

how dare you say I stink Woman!

Exam Mode

I am so thrilled, I told M to be on his own (cook, clean , please himself etc) on the last two weeks before my big day.

The exam is not that difficult if you have a photogenic memory and brain as huge and spongy as Bob Squarepants. Having said that, I am so in deep $h!t.

Best of luck to me.

Biaq betoi

I noticed that I got un-friend by my flesh and blood.

I dont know whether to get upset or kesian

My spontaneous feeling was 'what the heck?' but after that, I am too old for drama and especially with adik beradik. does it really worth the extra headache?

It was a joke to see the cheering squad act like they know the best of the adikberadik

no wonder people says we are who our friends are. Be with the losers and you become one.

thank God I hang out with my cats

I longed for your long hair

I watched Jason Mraz's song. those locks remind me of M's - Once upon a Time.

he such a preppy boy look and I hate it to boot.

Well, job's calling. it pays the bills anyway and my new car.



cool gila ah Jason Mraz

Hurricane Sandy

two of my ustazbro's subordinates stuck at NYC.

A TTDI mother is frantic over her youngest son's being in TO.

And I just act like nothing to worry about in O-town.

the gusty wind will pick soon but with 5cm rain. c'monlah KL sees worse than that during one of its regular banjirkilat

The Canadians have this tendency to over react. especially regarding the weather.
Once I was in a french class and we have a class trip to the nearest library. and suddenly the sky turned blackish gray and rain started to pour cats and dogs.

I can see the teacher's face was dead worry. Over us. (I kid u not!)

Looking at the downpour, it was a familiar sight. Turned to my filipino classmate, I said,"if it's raining like this back home, we still playing soccer in the field, you know".

He laughed and nonchalantly we both walking through the rain. reminiscing our childhood sweet memories. aaaaa blisssss

done with it

I promised myself not to write a hurtful or emotional post.

it just that I get a bit annoyed with ignorant comments of my anxiety or panic attack problem.

I guess people are not well informed that it is a mental disease. It could be hereditary or a result from a very traumatic experiences or it just can be due to hypothyroidism. And in my case, it is all the above.

but to justify my mental problem with having it all in this dunya without closer proximity to Allah is totally absurd.

And the absurd is having it all.

err hmmm errr uugh.. oh well! I dont have all I want, but I have all I need and indeed Allah gives me with only what I really need and if people think that right now I have it all.....

oh People, you guys are dead wrong.

seriously, the past 2 hours of words war in FB gave me chest pain and tight jaw.

Eid Adha and Mak's birthday

I love you mak. May Allah AWT reward you the best of health and longer life. Ameen ya Rabb

After Eid prayer, Ustazbro, M , 2 of my nephews and I went to ayah's grave. Due to the limited space in our small mosque's cemetery, a recycle of space is well practiced to accommodate the new passing.

Although I went back couple of times, I only visited ayah's grave once in 2002. Right after that, it was a mere salam everytime we passed the cemetery. To visit ayah's grave with M for the first time was very emotional.
Upon entering the graveyard, M told me although my father passed away, he still can listen to us and M has to introduce himself. M recited some dua and asked me to repeat after him.

My father never had a chance to meet M. If he was still alive, I can safely ensure that M and I will not commune. He was a patriotic (too much), the thought of his (most loved) youngest daughter marrying a foreigner will be repulsive.

But he didnt have the chance to meet how great M is. How good he is to me. to my friends and family. I believe ayah will fond of him like the rest.

I cried river. Because I missed him and because finally I've got to bring M with me to visit his grave. Deep down in my heart I know ayah will approve agreeably, I have made the right choice.

O Allah! Forgive him, have Mercy on him, pardon him, heal him, be generous to him, cause his entrance to be wide and comfortable, wash him with the most pure and clean water, and purify him from sins as a white garment is washed clean of dirt. Give him in exchange a home better than his home (on earth) and a family better than his family, and a wife better than his wife, and protect him from the trial of the grave and the torture of Hell Fire. Ameen

Autumn Foliage

"Come," said the Wind to the Leaves one day.
"Come over the meadow and we will play.
Put on your dresses of red and gold.
For summer is gone and the days grow cold."

Bliss

I am a happy camper these days. Alhamdullilah.

Of course sometimes my head went cuckoo banana but it's manageable.

Last year we accidentally discovered a lookout not far from where we live. Since M was in the mood to bike, so we inflate some tires and off the road.

The beautiful scenery remind me why I need to stay here in O-town

Alhamdullilah

After over 13 years in perantauan, consecutively observe Eid outside Tanahair, M agreed to come home.

It was priceless. I felt like I was dreaming when we touched down at the airport. Allah knows how badly I want to go back home to see mak.

the surprise was too much on her. this will be our last time making a surprise trip.

I love you mak.

baby

i will be due anytime a month from now. if it wasnt for a miscarriage.

sedih

more sedih to see new and old mommies give birth to gorgeous baby girl or boy.

double more sedih plus super happy to hear news my senasib friends are conceiving.

the floor is badly needed to be mopped. As M fasting and I just had a plate of rice *cough* mai bulan *cough*, I took the responsibility to mop it.

while mopping the floor, M came down and watched me.read:Super annoying

M: people dont mop like that. you do it all wrong.
AC: doesnt matter how people do it, as long as the floor is cleaned.
M: Well, I am telling you how to do the job right.
AC: I am not looking a janitor as a career.

...with few *bingit telinga aku* comments from M

M: if I were your boss, I will fire you for doing lousy job.
AC: (muka dah hangin) oh dont worry hun, if you're my boss, you dont have to fire me, I'll quit first.

and i shooed him away with the splat of mop water.

Ramadan Alkareem

Alhamdullilah

Sad tale

A good friend lost her most loved person. her dad.

Masyaa Allah, she handled it very well although the feeling is roller coaster.

May Allah place my father and her father among the mu'mins

suddenly I missed ayah, i missed mak.

she has skype account but the moment we were skyping, she handed over the tablet to rest of the siblings and disappeared.

that's her. if she ever knew , how my heart is aching every minute, every second of the day, dying to see and talk to her. hold her hands, kiss her forehead and tell her how much she means to me and how much i love her.

Please Allah, spare her more time on this earth, spare me time to spend precious moment with her. my time is counting but i will hold to every second.

Mak Insyaa Allah anakmu akan pulang

Allergy

the time of the year.

my beautiful spring is not my good friend anymore.

as much as I love the weather, the craziness of sneezing, eye-rubbing, nose-stuffing, drive me up to the wall.

Not that I do not want to take antihistamine but I have enough chemical inside my body.

I surely look like a grave keeper cause my friends at school told me I looked sag and tired.

Cant wait for a full bloom

in the middle of watching "pisau cukur", M came to me,

M: let's go out, I need to go out and walk. my brain all tired with the readings and writings
AC: (alamak aku baru ja nak relaks2)

he really needs a walking buddy.

dinner

M cooked dinner tonite coz I am super trooper Malas.
He made whatever in the above pic.

Happy with his masterpiece and actually proud of it, he asked me

M: do you like tonite's dinner
AC: Thank you, hon
M: That's not an answer to my question. Do you like it?
AC: (mendiamkan diri mencari jawapan yg tidak menguriskan hati si suami)
M: Do you like it??!!
AC: (ishk tak give up lagi oghang tua nih)
AC: I am not going to lie to you so I am not gonna say I like it neither I am gonna say I dont like it

M and I were heart to heart last night about the previous incident that have caused a traumatic stress on our marriage.

I thought after the itch years had passed us by, the bond that we both have is inseparable.

Nothing would ever break us apart.

M said that I watched too much chick flicks.

I said he needs to be more realistic and emphatic.

We both promised and hoped that it wont happen again.

My toilet stucked and it needed to be repaired.

Hell no, i would do that dirty job. Not that I can't.

After work, reluctantly M fixed it. Since M loves to do things with his mouth, from the kitchen, I could hear all the whines that some pits of tahi landed on his foot, the smell, the color, the yada yada *rolled-eyes*.

10 minutes later, M came down with plunger in his hand.

M: the sandwich better be good. I got hurt 2 places.
AC: *blurred face* C'mon. Show me where?
M: My FOOT and my NOSE

kecohh!

Warehouse Sale

Juling mata ahkak ok tgk paderno sale macham2

will upload the pics later. I didnt take too many snaps as my eyes were busy wandering.

managed to sambaq crocs, a book and 2 sets of pillow covers.

and i got a windbreaker for bro#4.

Egg Benedict de Restaurant de l'Avenue, Montreal

The name of this egg benedict is Arc en ciel. Sedap ok. well I have to be honest. it's too cheesy, i was full by the time I got to the 2nd egg. M was reluctant to go (we have to take metro) because he said that why he has to go all the way for brekkie while we just can grab timmies a block from the hotel..

eeeiiiii...apa kelas aku nak p tim's horton. berlambak kat ottawa ni ok.

he gave 9/10. coming from his fussy mouth, the food must be very good. to his standard at least.

Oranges/Strawberry/blueberry smoothie. mak aiii so thick , i can have this alone as a breakfast. (sembang mau la kuat)
Personally , I dont like it and I wont order it again. A waste of $7. I should nod my head when the waiter asked me if the water just fine.

Haih dah besaq budak2 ni, when I got to know their parents, the eldest was just 2 months embryo. the line up was about to start when we arrived. Since we agreed to have a separate table, we cut our waiting time from 30minutes to 10 minutes. It feels longer when it's cold.

thank you M for the easter's retreat. Thank you aimi and irwan for the great company.

off to Montreal

Mission: Shop till you drop
Actuality: Watching people shop till they drop
Side orders: Just wanna have some fun and try egg Benedict at L'Avenue restaurant
Dreams: Prada handbag but *Marc Jacobs is apparently more realistic.

*M said Insyaa Allah but knowing him, I will come home 99% empty-handed. He will make it so hard until i walk away from the store almost voluntarily.

naughty bart

He teases, he bullies, he i-do-what-i-want-to-do, but he also manja. the only one that will come to me asking for a snuggle before noon nap.

cave

haih bersawangnya blog.

Firstly, thank you so much dear jeet and cali on your thoughtful thoughts. I am touched or like misspajura, I ambeld and oned.

hiks, yes my humors are coming back, i guess it pretty much goes parallel with the stability of my mental and physical.

pregnancy was brutal. anxiety attacks, constant heartheadaches, lumpy throat. u name it, i got it all.
the minute , *sob*sob* the embryo left my body *sob*sob*, the physical uneasiness were gone.

I was and still am sad. but i am pretty much relax. try to suck it up that am getting older and the probability of receiving news of death become coherent.

Since my aging mom is becoming internet savvy (she has her own FB account and lo and behold a samsung tablet), I think I am going to open another blog that will be fully written in Malay and I think it would be mostly photos of what did I cook and had for breakfast/lunch/dinner. too bad, our proper meal is only at dinner time. i pretty much chowed M&Ms at any stint of hungriness sense triggered.

Much say, I need to compensate the 7kg I lost during my miscarriage.

way to go.

During my tough times, i've been listening to this music repeatedly.
I am in mourning mood, and this song really remind me of Puff especially on the day he left to Malaysia.
Thinking that he will be safe and sound over there, indeed he was at least resting closer to the ones that really love him and really taking care of him. I hope if I could understand cat's language, that would be his last wish.

Puff, I still remember vividly the day you left. and those sad eyes at the airport. Puff you have no idea how painful it was for me to let you go. How I went berserk to hear upon your death.

But I still remember the day I found you after a long day searching. to see you run straight to the cage knowing that I will take care of you. I am sorry I felt I had betrayed you. I thought I had saved you.

Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah ketenangan ke dalam jiwaku ini

i had miscarriage today and boy it's not that easy. it's like every ten minutes contraction and I really2 want my mom to be with me now