time to bid adieu!

to 2013
to Ottawa

embrace a new phase of life
embrace a new place
embrace new people

and most importantly a new me

leaving behind bad memories
bringing with me good memories
looking forward for more wonderful memories

May Allah ease my journey and make it smooth

to loving husband. I am truly blessed to have you by my side. to support me all the way in the way I need to be supported, morally, physically and *cough* financially.

May Allah rewards you tenfold for what you had given.

I pray to all my families and friends, may the best yet to come in 2014.

Allah always has a better plan for us.

clothes

due to my medical condition, M's house chores increase accordingly.
the other weekend, I asked him to bring the clean laundry to the room so that I can fold them.

after putting them in the room , he came to me and said, " I even folded them you know"

and today, when I was about to arrange the clean folded laundry, I wished that he would only stick to bring them to the room.

haih!

it's been  a while since my last post.

month of June - the bearer of tears of joys and goodbyes

but the saddest moment is yet to come.

and I am so not looking forward to it especially when eid is approaching

the routine of past 6 years will no longer be a routine.

will miss a best friend and sister.

what joy do I have left

i dont enjoy my living in O-town anymore.

fed up with fake smiles 

dia buat lagi

this week, left and right,  if it's not so and so told me she's pregnant or most of the blogs I visited screamed out loud that the yours truly is mom to be or about to give birth.

sigh not to the mommies  but to me.

for that reason I was breakdown when M and I had a beautiful Sunday stroll.

sometimes the pregnancy madness really make my head cuckoo banana.

*******

To try to get pregnant at the later age of life is exhaustively difficult. We failed to foresee the  associate pain that came with the days that added to number of our age. Back pain, headaches, migraines and all that jazz. Yep, i have to say sometimes (most of the times actually) I envied those who just got knocked up like pick a flower.

And I have to endure all the acupuncture needles, the pills that make me super emotional and mentally unstable and  a the most displeasure thrust into my V for ultrasound.

dont tell me to stop my whines. let me crying my beer out loud. pffttt

                                                                           oh yeah!

flowers at the attic

I was in the book sale aisle at the library tonight.

Came across to the book i had read once upon a time.

I was so intrigued to buy it but remembering how incest-laden the content of the book is, made me think twice.

if you know V.C.Andrews kinda style, you know pretty much what I mean.

So, I continue flipping for softer version by Sidney Sheldon

Breakdown

got my menses this morning.

i thought I was Ok.

until we went to rideau mall, I saw a limping father pushed his special son wheel in the midst of shoppers enjoying their meal.

I was alone at that time cause M went to timmies to get us drinks.

suddenly i found myself cry a river

and it was a lovely, cold but sunny day

I am such a pooper.  Kesian M

M.A.L.A.S

mood malas melanda

Although people pretty much know i am a full time housewife, I dont actually consider myself as a complete idealistic housewife.

you know where the house is in prim and proper and everything is spotless and sparkling clean.

or where the dining table is so martha stewartly decorated with matching napkins and drapes.

pffftttt

my house is not even closed to a typical kelamin household, let alone a shining floor.

forget about baking cakes and cookies too.

I dont have kids, hence necessary job description is none to avail.

eating out is mostly welcome and a helping hand from Mr M in vacuuming and cooking is a must.

since I have way less responsibility than other SAHM, I choose to be happy with a bit (hah!) cluttered house and dine out with girlfriends.

For the only reason to be a happy lazy me, I allowed M to call me Melayu Malas as much as he please.

words can't hurt you but scrubbing the floor can.

choose wisely

it just a photo. cmon!

not a while ago. an old friend let her steam off over on one famous social network.
She a career woman, a mother of few children and a wife.

plenty of responsibility. hats off

genuinely admire her, I told her that it would take a lot of effort to keep up with her daily routine and kudos on doing that.

instead of thank you, she blasted me off saying that now I should understand why she never posted any exotic delicious home-cooked dinner.

I tried not to be sensitive enough that that words were meant to me, cause:

* I posted almost daily what I cooked or ate. nak tersentaplah ni kan

* and it aint delicious or exotic looking at all. so i think i should cross that out.

* and it meant for the feast of my mom's eyes who constantly ask me "what I eat or cook today?"

I bet my mom didnt care if I live closed enough to her house.

Up till tonight, I still posted my so not exotic and delicious looking food.

I told M. He said that I would be accountable to every word I wrote in social network in day of Judgement

Amboii.. ustaz janggut nih .. like i dont know that.

character over chemistry

I am back in job hunting mode. but this time I am using Malaysian way

it's Who-you-know rather than What-you-know

We were talking about the possibility of certain job's requirement need me to travel quite a bit.
and the guy was a bit apprehensive about my marriage situation would be if I were to accept the job.

I politely told him that we are not a clingy couple who need to be in each other arms every night and day.

He misread it by thinking there's a red flag in my communion.

hahahaha

***********

M and I are two different person and personality.

I would not deny that in a heart beat.

Sometimes it makes me wonder what actually keeping us both in this marriage cause we definitely dont have the chemistry.

It's completely 2 different heads in world's politic, environment, culture or even curtain picking.

screwed that opposite attract thing cause nothing attract me with his pain opinionated whatever head may be.

but again his characters make me stick to him like a glue. not all the time but in a way of I-would-never-ever-found-a-guy-like-him.

hmm.. feel like to give my Man a big hug

I love you

the first time in my entire life I uttered these 3 words to any homosapiens alive was to M, 2 hours after the aqad.

err.. actually I think I did say I love you to Jordan Knight and Donnie Walhberg. Numerous times.
and in return, they sang a love song to me.

Percayakah? Ahaks

 ******

Few nites ago, we had a Malaysian Cultural Night. As usual, I was in-charged in cooking department with a group of amazing adiks tino and jate.
Since I promised dearest M to go back with him, I had to bid adieu before everyone else. All happy and in jolly mood, the girls thanked me and when I reached to the junction girls, they would go extra mile by saying  * I ❤ U *. to me.

Instead of saying something wise or smart like *me too!*. A foolish me just made a cricket sound and smile.

But I am more than convinced that they knew, the word " I love you " can't even translate the feelings I have for them.

How sweet and thoughtful it sounds but when it comes to the love word, it brings me more sadness than happiness.

less they know.

*******

of course, these adiks are not the 1st who proclaimed their sisterly love publicly to me.  Indeed, I didnt reply in verbally or writing that much. very rare indeed.

how easy the lips muttered those 3 words during happy moment, people have the slightest idea how despair it is when it said during tears rolling down the cheeks, minutes away to wave last goodbye with the uncertainty of future meetings. 

I still vividly remembered the *I love you kak* whispered to my ears during those goodbye hugs. the *i love you, kak* text message. the cards etc. 

it was the most intense *I love you* I could ever received from someone whose relationship with me is a 4 years (some is more) friendship.

How could I reply *I love you* when one day, without doubt,  instead with smile and laughter, it will end in tears.

 

Chocolate

The other night, I was enjoying Choki Choki while cooking.

M came and stood beside me.

I tried to ignore him as much as I can cause I know he was about to say something irritating.

M: (sambil tersengih2) you dont have enough chocolate, do you?

Ignore je akak cun. dont encourage him. So, I just took one glance at him.

M: (muka tak puas because I chose to ignore him) I guess you are done with all the chocolate bar, you have to find something chocolaty in liquid form.

Ignore akak cun Ignore. dia letih nanti dia diam la

M: (with gelak setan) I betcha one day they will come out in vaporize form so you can just inhale the chocolate gas.

AC: kalau keluaq coklat gas pun, yang hang dok susah hati sangat pasaipa?

M: said what?!!

who has the last laugh now.

pujian

M has this habit of praising my cooking in front of strangers or friends.
The other day, he had a lunch conference at Canadian Museum of Nature. One of the hors d'oeuvre was vege spring rolls.

After a bite of spring rolls, M said to the server , "my wife's is better. She's oriental, that's why she knows how to make it"

Amboi! Amboi!

and that's not the 1st time.

Of course it's flattering okay but he said that jokingly. Or on the other hand to agitate someone. and that's my friend, is L.A.M.E.

********

The good thing about living abroad with limited resources and access to the our own local herbs and spices make my oh-no-so-great Malaysian dishes become superbly delish to our Malaysian friends, guests and students who apparently in dire straits of longing for local cuisine.

Usually a long list of compliments thrown at me after dinner/lunch and they kept telling M, he is such a lucky guy to have a wife who cooks very good yada yada until M's face turned green to puke.

Me?! mestilah ahkak cun tersengih2 macam kerang busuk and that makes M's face greener and sicked to the stomach.


Until one last straw, one of our guests asked M whether he knew I was a good cook before we got married. My lovely  dear husband gave a big chuckled with no answer, and I pretty much almost sprayed my guest's face with ayaq teh.

He We just kept the guest in the dark.ahaks

After they gone, M looked at me. Trying to be so politically correct, M said

" Were you a good cook before we got married, my God, were you that 'good'  the 1st 5 years of our marriage?"

pfttt.. bengong 

 oh yes. that's pretty much his face when he ate my cooking at the early stage of our marriage. hahahah

pesan memesan

I actually have no problem buy things for people especially to my friends. Of course, I dont mind do a little extra things for them but to their friends or relatives. err mom and pop or kins, i pretty much can take it but cousins, aunts..err sori naik lori lah

I mean if you want to pesan or whatnot. Tell me what you want, I dont give crap about the model or whatever hue they have in stock. I am doing people a favor here. dont people just get it?!!

Unless they pay me a handsome money for the trips, time and energy. My service is your command.

I am getting tired

M wanna get a hobby.

I am all for it as long as it is not included me.

err.. my credit card will.

ok la tu

kacak?

I hangout with few girls. they talked about a guy who apparently looked like a famous nasyeed singer.

of course they went ooh and aahh.

As expected, they asked me whether I share the same view.

hmm..girls. I lived in LA for 4 years

Even a face like that nasyeed guy is bersepah2. let alone a guy who looks like him.

Yes I dont have house but I have home

but that doesnt mean you can perceive me as poor

Yes I dont have a job but I have living

but that doesnt mean you can perceive me as desperate

Yes I dont have highest education but I have some knowledge

but that doesnt mean you can perceive me as illiterate

Yes I dont have title but I have pride

but that doesnt mean you can perceive me as low class


I give with what I have, I become a friend with a sincere heart.
I help with what I can, and so people pay it forward.