The two of us

after a decade

still strong

much happier

way older

I love you honey, Happy 10th anniversary and many more to come

Ya Allah
ubatilah rinduku padanya
tabahkanlah hatiku demi meniti hari hadapan
tahanlah airmataku dr mengalir dikala keseorangan
tenanglah jiwaku bila meronta

Ya Allah
tempatlah dia dikalangan binatang yg Kau sayang

I tried to do most deeds so I can increase my chances to see her in heaven

O ya Allah, if I am not good enough for your Jannah, please let me see her at the door of Jannah Firdaus.

I want to tell her how sorry I am for not searching for her body soon enough. for not taking care of her body.

Anyau please forgive mummy

i am a year older.

Nobody in this world would be able to give what I am wishing for except for Allah AWT

but i know it's not likely to happen

Thank you for dearest friends and M for making me smiles

Ya Allah only you know how much i try to pretend be happy

:(

Mummy miss you sayang. there's a huge void since you been gone

Ya Allah kurniakanlah kesabaranku seperti kesabaran Nabi Ayub A.S

Innanillahiwainnailahirojiun

After 7 years and almost 2 months, our little princess, Anyau, had left us. We will always remember her as our lovely furry daughter who loves clean and fresh water, loves to purr especially when she's alone and definitely loves us very very much. likewise.

We couldnt trace her body though, what's only left her decomposed body. no miracle can bring her dead body back. and I cant turn back time. I have to move on and carry the memory with me till my last breath.

I wished she will grow old with us, share more happy and sad memories, be part of Insyaa Allah our growing family. My future children will love her as much as we love her.likewise.

It just a wishful thinking.

It is a closure to know that she's in a better place. at least, as is today, I stopped looking out the door wishing her meowing outside to get in, I stopped calling out her name.

But I dont stop praying, I dont stop kissing her picture again and again.

my heart ache with bitterness. But I know she doesnt want me to feel that way. she doesnt like to see me sad and I will try not to be sad for her sake.

when things happen like this, one thing comes to mind. I thought I am sad I dont have money, I dont have job, but I dont cry if I dont have money, nor job. I dont cry cause i have what's most matter, my family.

Anyau, it is very difficult for me to let you go especially like this.

Thank you for junior, bart, hitam and dumdum.

Thank you for loving me. Please come visit me in my dreams. I miss to kiss your stinky mouth and soft fur.

I know you are in a better place. give Puff a hug for me.

I love you Tiny.

Loss

Anyau went missing for almost 2 weeks. I never stopped making dua ever since.

For last couple days/nites, I went berserk searching her high and low. I stopped every one on the street asking and wondering they might have seen or spotted her. Ya Allah, I never felt this painful after ayah and puff died.

when i was at walk-in clinic, a guy called me and told that he saw a gray cat laying flat dead at the corner not far from my house. He looked at the poster I've posted at the bus stand and he was fairly sure it was Anyau.

It was almost 10 days ago and it was the street I take everyday to drop M. How can I missed her?

and the City said that they didnt pick up any dead animal around my neighborhood yet. A wild fox ate her cold body?

or a kind heart took her tiny body home and gave her a proper burial.

Ya Allah, if you accept all my small deeds before, I beg you please please repay me by bringing her back.

I still cant stop crying. I tried to, i try to gain some patience that I dont have. I really want her back

If she's no longer here at least ya Allah let me see her body. kiss her for a very last time. savor her last smell.

Tiny mummy, thank you so much for such a great joy you have given me this 7 years. Thank you for the endless company. Thank you for the tender stroke when I was down with tears. Thank you for always be by my side during solat jemaah and lending me your ears when I am reciting koran. Thank you for be my avid listener when I poured my heart out. Thank you for the warmth when I was cold. Thank you for sleeping beside me all day and not even bother to eat when I was sick and had to be on bed all day.

Thank you Sayang. Mummy loves Anyau. Anyau loves Mummy. forever and ever.

I am still praying and always will for you to come home my tiny princess.

i miss anyau very badly.

Ya Allah please bring her back to me

before and after

I am an avid reader to few traveler's blogs.
During my younger years, I would not miss a bit to any opportunity to travel, let it be abroad or just local places.
I in fact started to travel alone since at a tender age of 18.

And I did continue that hobby with best friend and sister no.1

But after I got married, M pretty much err emm only travels in certain condition. Backpack or cheap motels and hotels is out of question.
So not freaking me.

Nevertheless, how much I thought I am so missing to travel to interesting places, the feeling is not as strong as wanting to go for Haj.

Honestly, besides going back to Malaysia, the only place that I would die to go now is Mecca Al Mukaramah, to be the guest of Allah AWT.
Not an umrah but Haj. Please ya Allah , please make it soon. Amiinnn

we never know where our life will lead us to

the dreams
the plan
the reality

maybe it's all for the best. but i dont have the energy to keep up with the current

pak mentuaku makan dalca as a soup.

errr.. nak tegur ke tak nak

tsk tsk.. layan jelah ba

An apple a day, keep the doctor away

I have a full basket of apple given by Mrs Z and Madam shahab. I am thinking to bake couple of apple pies to adik2 supir and tukang2 masak on the picnic day. Anyway, since amma and appa visiting day is approaching soon, aint sure that i will have the time to cook and deliver.

If there's a rizq, then an apple pie will definitely show up at their front door

so I baked my safe recipes of apple bundt cake and classic apple pie. baked-proof but the pie crust a bit tricky. Praise to Allah, today it turned as what I always hoping for.

~update~

Ingredients



* 5 jumbo-sized eggs, separated

* 1 cup buttermilk

* 2 CUP butter, plus 1 tablespoon, for pan

* 3 cups cake flour, plus 2 tablespoons, for pan

* 1 Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored and diced into 1/8-inch pieces ( I used 3 in-seasoned apples)

* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

* 1 teaspoon lemon juice

* 2 1/2 cups sugar, divided

* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

* 1 teaspoon lemon extract

* 3 teaspoons baking powder

* Special equipment: 10-inch Bundt cake pan



Directions



Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Let the eggs, milk and butter come to room temperature on the counter before beginning. (Butter goes on the counter last.)
Butter the Bundt pan with 1 tablespoon of butter, then add 2 tablespoons of flour and shake and tap to coat the interior of the pan; set aside.
Put the diced apples in a bowl with the cinnamon and lemon juice.
In a large bowl or stand mixer add the butter and 2 cups of sugar and beat until smooth.
Add the egg yolks, 1 at a time, and blend to completely incorporate before adding the next.The mixture will become very light in color.
Add the buttermilk and the extracts and mix to combine.
Stir in 3 cups of flour along with the baking powder and stir until incorporated.
In a separate clean dry bowl, whisk egg whites until foamy,then add the remaining 1/2 cup of sugar and whisk until shiny and soft peaks form when removing the whisk from the whites.
Gently fold this into the cake batter. Pour half of the batter into the prepared pan.
Arrange the apples in the center of the ring all the way around, being sure they don't touch the outer or inner edge of the pan.
Pour in the remaining batter and bake for 1 hour and 30 minutes.
Remove the cake from the oven and cool completely.
Put a large plate or cake plate on top of the pan, then holding both together,flip them so that the curved bottom of the Bundt pan is on the top and the plate is resting on a flat surface.
Slowly remove the pan from the cake by lifting it straight up. Slice and serve.

Something to ponder

What the Quran says about Places of Worship Source: Anas Zubedy
http://letusaddvalue.blogspot.com/2009/08/new-bob-agency-what-quran-says-about.html

I grew up accustomed to Chinese drums and Hindu temple bells and the experience made me a Muslim who loves the Quran more than any other book in the world.

Let me tell you why …

I grew up at Fettes Park Penang, Evergreen Road to be exact.

From Fettes Road turning into Evergreen Road, you will need to battle a short slope uphill where we kids would need to paddle standing up while riding our bicycles and where many ladies would jump off to push theirs till the road flattens 10 meters ahead – about 100 meters later you will pass my house, house number 14.

There is an empty space almost triangular in shape where the two roads meet. At the centre of that empty land stood a large tall leafy bee infested tree with red colored nuts sprouting from the branches. On one side of the empty land was a row of shop-houses. On its corner lot wall the words NEW BOB AGENCY in red bold capital letters greeted the Fettes Park community for many years. So we call that little corner piece of land - Bob Agency. Across the road to Bob Agency stood two temples; one Chinese and the other a Hindu one.

Bob Agency for the better part of the year was left empty but the piece of land comes alive twice a year when the Chinese temple organize Chinese Operas ( Teng Lang Kho Tai) especially during the Hungry Ghost Festivals. Usually the first two days it would be the Chinese Opera (we use to call it Tong Tong Tong Cheng! Show) and followed by a second two days of modern bands belting the latest Chinese numbers and some popular western songs (I love it when the emcee announced something like “ Andy Gibb chang terk, Shallow Lancing!” ).

Each year the temple committee, both Hindu and Chinese will go house to house to request donation either for the upkeep, repair and temple improvement or for projects like the Hungry Ghost festivals or Thaipusam. Each time my Mom will ask me to tell them politely that as Muslims we cannot donate to a ‘To Kong’. (Besides, we actually did not have any extra cash anyway! Ha!ha!)

They too were polite and understanding and just moved away wishing me thank you regardless. I did not question my mom’s reasoning as I took it as true; not until 1977 when the Penang State Government was building the Penang State Mosque. I was 13.

It was announced that Loh Boon Siew the big Tau Keh of Penang donated RM 1 Million to the building of the state mosque. But wait a minute. We cannot give but we can take? That does not sound right and downright unfair. My mom had no answers so; I had to bring it up during agama class in school. After all, it will not be the first time I was asked to leave the class anyway- so what’s another period of wondering around the school (my eldest sister was not allowed to be in agama class at all during certain years in her school life !!!).

Honestly, I was not a bad boy. In fact I won the agama prize for being top in school twice. But I had questions that needed real solid answers. And, I do not give up easily!

Poor Ustazah. I asked her if I could donate to temples and her answer was a firm ‘No’. We can’t give but we can accept? I told her that my religion sounds unfair and I cannot accept her answer as my Grand Dad told me Islam is the most just religion in the world.

I refused to accept the answer and kept on harping on the RM 1 million from Loh Boon Siew. Finally she relented and said that if we were to give any donations to the ‘To Kong’, we must ‘niat’ that it is money we ‘ buang ke dalam sungai’. I told her ‘Ustazah dah merepet’.

She was by then in tears and it did not help that my classmates were cheering with drum beats – thumping the table top. She rushed out of the class and the rank cheered, the class went into the usual rumpus of school boys without supervision… but it did not last for long.

She returned with Ustaz Mahayudin, whom we were all scared shit of! And he was not alone; he brought his friend a handsomely meter long rotan. He banged the rotan on the teacher’s table a few times, we were dead silent. He uttered a few words of warning, and left. (Actually Ustaz Mahayudin was a kind and nice man, in fact I have never seen him use the rotan on anyone. I had good conversations with him, and he allowed differing opinions although he was worried of my constant questioning of the status quo. He treated Non-Muslims kindly too, and, always with respect).

I did not get my answer until my university days when I took to reading the Quran and Muslim history for myself. I discovered that the Quran suggested,

'WOE UNTO THOSE who give short measure: those who, when they are to receive their due from [other] people, demand that it be given in full, but when they have to measure or weigh whatever they owe to others, give less than what is due! Do they not know that they are bound to be raised from the dead? [and called to account] on an awesome Day (Quran 83: 1-5)

I also discovered that early Muslim leaders created a peaceful environment so that people from the various faiths can practice their way of life. In fact state money was used to build, repair and support the building of not just the mosque but also Non- Muslim places of worship. The Muslim army has a duty to defend all places of worship as the Quran commands,

(They are) those who have been expelled from their homes in defiance of right,- (for no cause) except that they say, "our Lord is God.. Did not God check one set of people by means of another, there would surely have been pulled down monasteries, churches, synagogues, and mosques, in which the name of God is commemorated in abundant measure. God will certainly aid those who aid his (cause);- for verily God is full of Strength, Exalted in Might, (able to enforce His Will).( Quran 22:40)

Back in the mid 90s I decided to buy a condo unit at Sunway area. Beside the wonderful square swimming pool, the other attractions were a Hindu and Chinese temple right in front of the guard house and a mosque just behind the corner. In the morning you can hear the azan, the temple bells and every now and then I get to smell Chinese incense bringing me back memories of growing up in Fettes Park and Bob Agency. The only missing link was a church :(

Each morning, each evening, each nite – each day that condo where I stayed for a good many years reminds me of another Quranic announcement. It is as though the Quran spoke to me directly,

To thee We sent the Scripture in truth, confirming the scripture that came before it, and guarding it in safety: so judge between them by what God hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging from the Truth that hath come to thee. To each among you have we prescribed a law and an open way? If God had so willed, He would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you: so strive as in a race in all virtues. The goal of you all is to God. it is He that will show you the truth of the matters in which ye dispute (Quran 5:48)

Thank You Bob Agency, Thank You Evergreen Road, Thank You Fettes Park, Thank You Penang, Thank You Malaysia!

Thank you for helping see the world the way God wanted me to see it.

Thank You God.

blood test

i had a blood test today. as it always a quick one, i curios how shortlong it is to extract the blood out of my body, so, i timed it.


guess how long it takes from inserting the needle into my vein to fill up 1 tube?!!

10 seconds

tu dia.. i think if someone slit my throat (God forbid), my blood will gush like a bellagio fountain.. oiii


p/s cik aimi saya tidak lupa hutang saya

Ya Allah permudahkan perjalanan hidupku dan urusan hidupku di duniaMu ini.

Amin Amin Ya Rabbil A'lamin

last name

i read a post about ning baizura putting her husband's family name as hers too.
Seriously, I really have no issue with it whatsoever. it's not wrong in Islam and hey kawin mat salleh khennnn.

Usually I dont comment in gossip column cause I dont see any point at all but my fingers were so gatai when some of the forumers said how important it is to have the husband's family name for the sake of official matters.

what a load of crap

your wedding certificate is more than enough for any official matters out there especially over here in North America.

I dont know what's the fuss with the name change. most of my canadian or American female friends ( yes, they are my varsity buddies) , well I shall say, ALL, dont change their name after they exchanged the vows.

Infact , I was in the heated discussion among 15 women who discussed about the last name. of course, the asians who happened to marry mat salleh were literally stood firm on their ground on why they have to have their husband's surname. others, well, err , hmmm with higher education (I dont talk about only a master's degree okay) or with impressive professional background, only wanted to be known by their maiden name.

and the minority who has nothing under their belt aka me and few others were inclined to be on neutral zone.

well, my personal experience. I dont change my last name. some people called Madame or Mrs A, which is M's family name and all my official letters are written Ms.B ( my father's name). I married for almost a decade. my male friends who are possessive type are not happy with my decision of no family name's change and not even wearing a wedding band, but my feminist friends, they all hi-fived me. and M, he didnt give a rat arse about it. infact he told me, you are who you were, either before or after we married. Although most of the time, people thought we are boyfriend girlfriend, or friend but it didnt make my life any difficult.

oh boy

M and I are working hard, literally, to get the bun cooked in the oven. oh well! it's not that fun. Please bear in mind, we are an old and lazy couple where kiss now become a peck, and hugs become a tug. but love is still there people! i hope :P last time when we met dr H, he told us, my chances to get pregnant from 14% now become 3%. M and I looked at each other; and burst out with laughter. I think we both dont really care anymore if we have children or not. we just place it on Allah's hand

aku pulak yg sakit. must've been catching the hospital bugs

Bantu Membantu

A friend was admitted to the hospital. being thousands miles away from family and home, it was pretty much hard on her emotionally. On the day she was admitted, a very kind friend of hers called me that she got warded. When I went there, I was very touched to see how A & I treated her. she vomited lots and had massive headache, A and I were tending her with sisterly love and care. Masyaa Allah It reminds me of Pomona's gal. hmmm.. i got misty eyes now

i have no idea how big maher zain is in Malaysia but from the word of mouth, he is. same goes with sami yusuf i tried to listen to his music or their music in youtube. hmmm not really my cup of tea. I root for madrasah Al Juneid.

HAri RaYA

let's the pic do all the talks, ya!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . oh too bad, that's the only one haiyaaa

when i saw one of my ol' buddies wrote in her album: lunch with bff

I paused and pondered - man, I have no bff

neither here nor back home.

those I know now whom physically can be reached, I spare some space.

It's impossible for me to put some trust like i used to


no wonder my happiness is going down to drain

taraweeh

After I left tanahair, not a single taraweeh I've performed in the mosque.

the distance, the convenience, the class , all the excuses in the world.

After I got married, I didnt go to masjid too.

Although my heart was aching to go hand in hand with beloved M, he was not into it.

This year, Allah AWT answered my prayer.

It started with a neighbor brought M to the masjid nearby.

On the first night of Ramadhan, he came home with sourly face. Yes, taraweeh, let alone fasting during summer, was very tiring. Performing 20 rakaats ( he had too cause his ride is a second man to the imam) only done after midnight.

Poor my baby. May Allah rewards him with thousand more barakahs.

I didnt go because of the red flag.

but Allah AWT knows, how happy I was on the first night I went to the masjid to perform teraweeh. of course, my knees were a bit shaky during the first rakaat due to the long reading, but I enjoyed every bit of it.

not until I went to the big mosque. I dont understand arabic but the reading was so powerful and very move, i got misty eyes.

I noticed how people is getting advanced with technology. The jemaah were using Ipad or tabs to read the quran. Of course, few makcik had the biggest quran ever laid infront of them.

that was a good practice cause by recite the surah during taraweeh, we will not get sleepy.

it's a juzu' every night. the reading can be pretty long each rakaat.

I cant wait for next year. Ya Allah, please bless me and my family and friends another year of healthy life so we can meet Ramadhan al Kareem again

emo yg ntah hapa2

I dont fancy title or wealth but I fancy good heart and awesome manners.

but again, what's up with people with all these flashy bling bling, and oh-well detached house and fancy cars.

can people just lighten up and life is not just about that.

and what's up with title??!!

why malaysians are so hard up with this stupid status conscious.

it was really annoying when people correcting me addressing my relatives' name without their whatever title infront of their name.

Are you kidding me?!!

and why people like to tell stories about their bro or sis with a need to tell what they are doing for living.

I dont freaking care dude, if he or she a freaking neuro-physics scientist who won nobel prize 220 times.

alahaiiiiii...aku buhsan ok

Perpisahan

Yesterday, I received a parcel from Nana. It was unexpected parcel. being uber-sensitive, I cried my heart out when I read her card.

I never thought that I actually really really miss the gals.

The reason I didnt write anything about them or puff because I cant write about it without break into tears.

my chest felt heavy, I cant breathe when I think of them. the thought that they are no longer with me. No more laughter, cracking silly jokes which never make any senses, complaints left and right, nagging me with their annoying texts of "akak cun masak apa hari ini?" and all the culinary demands.

whatever it is. I love them. despite the feud or misunderstandings, we braced them all through and make our friendship stronger. I dont make a friend, I make a sister. a younger sister I never had. not one but a lot. too much on the plate, yes. but you dont choose your sister, they come in package where you have to accept the way they are. good or bad.

Oh God I missed them. after 4 years or literally 6 years with them like a dog's tail, the journey has come to its end. Yeah, I cried weeks, and I even cry now. My annoying younger sisters.

Celebrating Eid this year is tough and difficult to not mentioned any of their names. I felt a huge void, yes, thank God for a few adik2 that came over and help over. They are not that difficult cause there are no dramas. yes my younger sisters who had left me are drama queens materially type. probably because of that, the memories are too painful to safely keep in the corner. too painful to bid adieu.

I know they have brighter future ahead, I will be a piece of memories of their past. they will meet more interesting people and they will be one the interesting people themselves.
I pray for the best, pray for the God's endless blessings bestow upon them. I pray for their joys and happier future and beautiful family. Cause my beautifuls, you were my joys and I am blessed to have you as a part of my life.

Thank you my sisters darling. I love you all very much and I will forever miss you.

I am busy with stuff - necessary and unnecessary.

I am a home alone wife cause M is a very busy man. New job, new with extra job description.

A lot of things to write but time flies with nothing happen.

i became derailed with a lot of things. need to pick up myself back and be on track

nick name

M usually call me by the name my family and close friends call me. then one day , over one incident, he started to call me a new-more-lovey-dovey nick name

although it was pretty much by my request, God knows how much I loathe it.

why?! coz it reminds me the stupid thing i did in the past.

I called my friend's husband with that nickname without knowingly it stands for Baby.

yes, i called him infront of his wife and his FAMILY and nobody said anything until one day I asked the wife what's his real name.

aiyoooo...cringed cringed

harulah hang ahkak chun

Offspring

While few times I had a dream that we had a daughter, M's dream was the opposite.

On one morning, I woke M and told him about my dream

AC: hey, last nite I had a dream of our daughter
M: oh yeah?!!
AC: hell yeah, she has locks like yours and has dimples too
M: DIMPLES?!! OH NOOOO.. Not a malaysian baby

cheh

bahasa kita

I am not the most linguistic person. I speak crappy english, barely speak good french and speak malay with northern dialect. But I know good cursing sentences in various language though, enough to make my eyes popped when someone has a foul-mouthed.

Having said that, I met quite a number of my countrymen errkk countrywomen who somehow have the difficulties to speak their mother tongue because of their out of country current resident.

Slalunya pompuan aja yg mengada lebih2 nih. bajet best lidah tergeliat

I never thought that the idiom " melayu mudah lupa" is actually freaking TRUE.

~~~~~~

I was back home yearsss ago and visited my previous rented apartment and ex-housemate. It seemed that my room has few tenanst after I left. My ex-hm was very generous and bought me few durians to welcome my visit. we shared the juicy durians with some of her roommate who I've met earlier but gave me a cold shoulder as if I am just another high school pompuan kampung keja kilang.
ex-HM: terra lagi hang makan durian noo.. abang makan ka?
AC: awat tak terra pulak, bukannya branak keluaq kot perut omputih. Dia makan ja tp tutup hidung sampai biru muka
Snob: (with an astonished face) akak ni dok obersea ka?
ex-HM: ni orang Canada nih..dok dah lebih 5 tahun
I just keep quiet cause I dont feel comfortable telling people about me
Snob: oh ya ka? boleh lagi noo cakap melayu, makan makanan kita. kak saya kawin dgn canadian, nak cakap melayu pun dah tak reti dah.. susah la dia nak cakap.. makan makanan melayu ni lagi la.. kalau durian ni jenuh dok tutup hidung dok kata bau busuk ( and she said with proud ok)
AC: (dgn muka yg penuh kehairanan) kak hang dah tinggai kat canada lama dah ka?
Snob: Ada la kot setahun

mind you she lives where the Asians are flocking every corner of the city.

~~~~~~~

haiiih.. Melayu oh melayu!

I wonder why the Malaysian are so hard up with the slang or the north American accent until they literally twisted their tongue when they speak Malays. Bukan tak boleh tp saja . Sometimes I wondered if these people were actually in other country like India or China, are they going to speak with Indian or Chinese accent?? The exactly as what they accentuated what english have done to their mother tongue.

Nak sangat aku tgk, tergeleng2 tak kepala hangpa cakap melayu slang india

~~~~~~~

Yes- I am fed up with people who said, " oh sorry , i dah tak reti cakap melayu"

and correcting me the correct way to pronouce "water" with emphasizing on T and wa become whoaTerr

gimme bloody freaking break. where I used to live for 4 years, we said water with silent T, but again aku ni muka belacan. I said water like typical malays and my American born friends have no problem understand it and dont even bother to correct it.

lu pikirlah sendiri dont call yourself Malaysian if you ashamed to be one

~~~~~~~

Tangan Perosak

M gave me a samsung Galaxy for my birthday/anniversary gift last december. However I managed to wreck it yesterday.

M (with muka bengang nak mati while fixing my android) : I dont know what's wrong with you. you like to break things eh!
M (tak puah hati lagi): u broke your laptop, you broke the pots, you broke the chairs

Dengan pantas ahkak chun memeluk somi terchenta dgn terhegeh2nya

Nak buat macamana kalau dah tangan perosak

I finally get hold of mak after 3 weeks. she had a new cell but she doesnt know how to use it. Dont blame her, I was too, frustrated with Samsung during our early days.
Berjejak kasih bagai and my usual topic with mak is what I've cooked for today

Since I invited few friends over to my house for luncheon, I excitedly talked about dishes I have cooked. Suddenly, mak asked me for my Mee udang recipe
Vangga mek nokkss

And this is not the first time she asked me for recipes.

I wished I live near to her so I can cook for her instead.

Elle me manque trop :(

bila nak kerja nih??!!

I want that PRADA bagggg


aiiihhhh

racism

When I looked at youtube of Ms Wallace making a remarks to Asian students, I laughed to tears.

Of course it reminds me back how Jerry and I were talking about the Asians in the library and Lamborghini.

Yes you read it right LAMBORGHINI.

needless to say, talking to the phone in the library wasnt as bad as talking in the class where the prof is lecturing. But again, lucky that I was in the class where girls are only numbered, men can be so up front said to that fella face "Shut the f*** up and turn off your cell"

but again that fella is not necessary Asian :) but it could be ;)

~~~~~~

but talking ching chong to the phone in the library, didnt bother me as much. my favorites are when people farts but lifting up their buttocks from the chair in the library ( ofcourse they didnt think we see that), and picking nose while driving freaking expensive car. I am so going to sanitize whenever I drive a second ahnd car.

And now I cant get my head out with this song

drebar

everybody knows I am M's royal supir.

My usually morning routine if M feels like to go to the office, I will drive him.

And as a normal couple, we talk, which leads, often to bicker. and then I feel like to kick him out of the car and make him walk in the middle of the parkway.

Then, one day, Mrs H told me how she complained to her husband that they dont spend time talking to each other anymore since the husband sends the daughter to school in, comes back home, and get ready to the office.

Having said that, I should consider myself lucky cause at least, I have that an half hour, to and fro, talking to M, no matter what it is.

~~~~~~

one day in the car, we had a small argument. Well, we tend to say something hurtful when we upset. I said something nasty to M which ending up he slammed the door and I didnt bother to look at his face. Realized that I was being a jerk. I texted him to apologize. 1/2 hr later, he texted me back

"sorry for what. I am used to it"

cheh

I told M that i want to continue studies in UK if we were ever go to EU. then again, we are not there yet, hence, no school.

Inside me still berperang

Can I make it? can i maintain the good grades? Can I stand the exam pressure again?

Would i be happy with the choices I make?

Ijust watched news about the tsunami's survivor in Japan. A lady from other city came to Sindai to find her mom;s whereabout.

After searching high and low all shelters around Sindai, she finally found her.

I just cant imagine the feeling when she united with her mother.


just a thought, would any of my family looked for me if, God forbid, I am one of them :S

Perlukah?

I was patronized with the cold shoulders from the relatives and friends.

Seriously, I give up and fed up of trying to be a good sister.

Conclusively, people should wished that they are my friends rather than my by blood-kin cause I am super duper sucks at being one.

I always joke with M, if I already dead for 10 years, I know forsure, nobody would notice or bother to care.

No one would miss me except mak and M.

Out of this world, only TWO people who think that I make their lives more meaningful. who i know forsure would talk about me and miss me when I am long gone.

Same ol' same ol'

I was so lazy to update my blog. Not that I have a lot of things to say.

I've been noticing that this lately I was so super duper sensitive.

I tear up for no reason. M's jokes sounded so cynical. feeling so blues, give the winter an extra cold.

Nak mati dah ke ni?

Maybe I had a midlife crisis before getting to midlife age yet. Probably I felt helpless after 30ish years of living what I have contribute; to myself, to household, to family and to society. I got really fedup when I talked to mak and she unselfconsciously made a remarks of how dependent my life to M despite all the degrees.

I started to regret for not continue PhD. but again it's all money oriented. the passion is not there nor now but I was motivated when I saw people who is a wife and a mother doing it.

but life is funny, when I decided to do something that will make my life miserably stuck for another good 4 years, M will get a very good offer and he will let it go just for me.

AND I DONT WANT THAT to happen again . EVER

but after 3 years look where and how I am now

Am i any happier? Are we moving up somewhere?

If this a test, ya Allah tabahkanlah hatiku.

For time had passed

When most people toasted each other and partying all night on new year's eve, a good friend of M was battling with his life. A bile cancer is taken its toll on him. his life is just hours away.

Once a 6 footer with athletic body and smile that can lit up the whole room, now is so frail and succumb to oxygen support and an I.V

I looked at his wife and tried to empathy her situation. Masyaa Allah she is a strong lady. I cannot imagine if I were in her shoes. With 2 young children under aged of 10. Very close to the father.

Technically, although I have lost ayah, I didnt have much of experience dealing with close friends, relatives or family who is terminally ill. I've gone through the post-experience of loss but not the pre-experience. Ayah was in his best shape after 4 days in his worse before he passed away. Iwasnt there when he 'at the moment'.

While M, he yet to experience a loss or 'at the moment'. It must be a terrible thing to go through for first timer.

Looking through for a lot of events, canceled and delay, I thank Allah for things happen for reason.

F - Looking at you bedridden like that, it takes a miracle for you to be a healthy you again but I will not give up to pray for you, I wish you to be healthy again, if not I hope you will go in peace.

L- I admire your courage. Be strong.