Incompetent

Feel like to kick some arses

The 7 itch years

On the way to M's office, M asked me what date is today

Dlm hati aku pehal mamat ni. And suddenly, my jaw opened and I was in deep horror," today is our anniversary!!"

Dang, I completely forgot about it and he even hinted me 2 days ago.

To be honest, I am not really sure whether it is 16th of 17th but one thing forsure it was a 2nd day of raya.

definitely we will have a dine outside.

Thank you M for still wanna be around and spending your life with me.

Je t'aime beaucoup.

Dine and Guests

Actually I wanted to write some occasions I've encountered during eid adha. But it will take sometimes and thoughts to write about it. It's more about me being here in this kafirun country, moreless about the question of the strength of my faith. Or at least peeps who call themselves as a muslim although some of them who I felt a bit resilient to potray as one, will take some time to think or just "sit back and do nothing'. I talked about this issue before - in my friendstre blog where I shared some of the Friday's khutbah about halloween. Once in a while, we need that kick or smack in the head to wake us up from this kelalaian duniawi.
At this moment, I need to concentrate to cook for dinner for our guests where one of them will go back to homeland for good and finish up his thesis back home while reporting back to work. And the other one, who also come from the same country, visiting the fil who is just recovering from bypass surgery and missing a family.

So tonite, I will cook ustaz's favorite: Ayam masak Paprik, Ikan masak 3 rasa, teloq bungkuih and sayoq campoq.

Thinking to make murtabak as appetizer. we'll see first. afterall M already cleaned up the house and the guest room. It was pain in the pungkok coz he actually had to prodigously scrub the carpet using the wet cleaner vacumn and three times of vacumming.

No wonder he wanted to reduce the population of the feline in da house so badly.

kannn!!!!!!!!!

When it rains, it pours

kenapalah mulut laki aku ni masin sgt

today is such a chaos


will update when the rain stop or in this case, the snow, the hot water tank, anyau's incision

Thrid times a charm

0 + 3 = 3
1 + 2 = 3
7 + 5 = 1 2 -> 1 + 2 = 3

Maybe 3 is my lucky number but again I only believe in Qada' and Qadar.

Puss

Oh yeah! a big one on my right shoulder. Since I did my weight training yesterday, I shud go for a badminton tonight, I already missed it last tuesday.

But, this puss sakit sial!. and M is going out for a dinner with his buddy, OW. It's a good thing cause tonite is my turn to cook dinner. Since he's not in for dinner, I'll make nasi goreng express.

My exquisite time with my trainer was dreadly exhausted. but she's really nice, she didnt push me as much to do all the weight thingy. My back was screaming for pain now. well, today is a bit ok but last nite was a nightmare. But the menthol effect (or,err the eucalyptus oil) cooled dowm the inflamation. nonetheless, I have less than 24 hrs to relax my muscle until my next appointment.

Speaking of appointment, the clinic called me and said that my blood test and x-ray sudah sampai. the ol' times, the doctor didnt even bother to call me and when I called them back, they told me, "no news is a good news".

Does it mean tomorrow will be a bad news?!!

Need to start biting the nail now....

My Mr MacDream-ie

on the usual morningsupir to Mr 'Luv' M and the usual stops at Starbucks, I parked the van coincidentally beside a shine sleek Mini Cooper.


Not in my attention, but when M came with his coffee, he smiled at me and said, "If I became rich, I'll buy you one like this."

Hahahaha.. I was eyeing a Honda CRV actually not that toy car. I dont give fudge how much the price is. but I want something that a bit practical. Hmm, honda CRV is not really a gas guzzler, isnt it? need to ask Pomonagelfren. But she looks ala2 Soccermom-lah.. hmm..not really , soccermom usually drives bigger size than CRV.

Hopefully by the time I can afford to buy a car, Honda will come out with CRV-hybrid or fuel-cell generate. Big hole in my pocket but good investment in a long run

Thanks hon for the thought. thanks for our lunchdate today.

and btw Mini is also listed in Forbes.com as one of fuel-friendly cars.

I went to GP for an annual check up. I got this chest pain and semput for a while (I got it when I was in Malaysia)and apparently, it just dont go away but reduced somehow.

Bukan nak katalah, the GPs here, they all suck big time. they treated you like a dirt bag. Too bad, M's family doctor is in Toronto and he didnt know if he's still alive. but I was in dire to get a reliable and good health advice.

At least in Malaysia, I can always used certain adikberadik or kawan cronism to access me to the specialist but here i am so exasperated.

And I did allergy test too. and the stupid doctor accused me for not telling the truth that I didnt wheeze during exercising. Hello mangkukayun, I didnt wheeze at all. Never in my entire life, I wheeze. I was at the tip of the iceberg when he told me to get rid of my cats. Even M seconded to that.

Mister-s, you have put down a wrong foot, okay. I would do anything, I mean literally anything to keep Anyan, Bart, DumDum, Junior and Hitam.

Dont worry darlings, mommy will do everything until the last drop of blood for us.

to you my sister

I hope you will hold on to yourself

the pressure is high

my blood that is.

After spending M's moolah for over xxx and after a week registered to a nearby women only fitness gym, and got my own personal trainer, I hopped into my treksuit and start working out.

but of course all that after my 1st visit to my personal trainer. She checked whateva she needed to check and apparently my blood pressure, heart rate body fat and of course the mighty weight, are almost in the danger zone.

hmmm..that's explained the dizziness, night light-headed, semput-ness??!!, and the tight jeans.

fyi, I am not so happy with the results

nor the fact that i became so dewi pelahap

anyway, this is not the first time I went to the gym. My previous visits during college-years was so for the wrong reason. the disadvantage od co-ed gym. but I was suprised to find myself motivated by the fat lady or an old lady who cycling or walking beside me. I mean, I atleast walked for another 1/2 mile or cycled 20 minutes more to keep up with them.

the fact that I have elliptical machine at home kinda annoys me of not being motivated to be on it.

hopefully in 2 weeks , i will see the result that I really really looking for.

the pressure will slide thru to a normal zone.

The day is getting better and better

- my account no longer at the lowest two digits
- I received 1 set of lagostina frying pan (20cm, 26cm and 32cm)
- the job interview was swell
- I got my cheque


If everyday like this ~ Alangkah bestnya

Ya Allah ya tuhanku, Alhamdullilah, aku bersyukur atas rahmatMu

Amboiiiii

inilah perasaan den semalam dgn sidia. hangat giler, sidia buat lawak bodoh pepagi pun den tak gelak. tpkan sebelum sidia blah, sidia habaq masukkan ongkos kedalam simpanan den, terus den tersengih2.

hampeh tol den ni. pantang sua ongkos, semua beres. tak adalah banyak pun tp boleh setakat nak bayaq den punya pelatih persendirian.

sidia pandai betoi mengelat den. siap basuh baju den lagi. sayang cuma tak lipat. oklah kawteem dgn den kemas katil. sepanas2 den pun, den kemas katil, walaupun rasa nak cucuh bara api aja dekat pungkok kucing2 den.

pescado, poisson, fish and ikan

it was a real challenge to dine everynite with the above-title as a maincourse.

when dine means cooking and preparing and thinking and eating it.

so, here goes my nites with fisssshhh:
1st nite: honey dijon mustard baked Salmon with salad
2nd nite: ricotta-spinach cannelloni
3rd nite: nori-sesame-paprika seared salmon, tizzo soup with olive fougasse (M is so loving with this bread)
4th nite: fried mackerel (salt and pepper) and leftover fougasse and soup
5th nite: penne pasta with groundbeef and 3 cheese and classic salads (ok - not so fish)
6th nite: nasi lemak ihsan hamba Allah yg sungguh murah hati
7th nite: Kung Pao Red snapper and fish ball green beans
8th nite: murtabak ayam and daging

5 nites with fish, or 6 nites. hey anchovies is fish too kannnn

am having a sushi nite tonite. It's been a while we havent been to sushi resto but I want to dine out a bit less for an extra dough of my allowance this month.

p/s hon, if you read this. Kesian kat wifekan. Je besoin plus d'argent.

The savoury pain

Of all syawals weekends which full with open houses and melahap activities, my stomach have been consuming tons and tons of meats; red, dark or white and lotsa of santan milk, grease. bottomline, unhealthy food

Unhealthy food - healthy food = wreck unfit me

Meaning tossing around in the sleepness nights with cramped stomach,constipations with stool hard like a rock and bleeding rectum discharge. the latter creeps me out. I dont feel any pain, but i hate to see the sang. it's freaking gross.

M said that is due to my unhealthy diet of consuming excessive red meat and orderred me to stop eating them cold turkey.

But again, I aint vegetarian peace to the world hippies.

but then again, the agony pain of contracting the tahi is so painful and it left me no choice except to au revoir to juicy and tasty meat.

At this moment, I am officially meat free for certain period but did break the rules sometimes. Fish and veges is not really taste that bad.

Of a few things I did in the holy month of Ramadhan

This year, my Ramadhan was not as much as I hoped it would turned out to be.

Terawih - I missed 2 nites due to exhausted from cooking at E's house.
Recite Quran - I was thrilled that I will khatam coz I managed to complete 10 juzuk on first 1/3 of the holy month but up till now, I only managed to finish juz 17.
Ngumpat - haram tak kurang pun but less 1 ppl who I ~haihh-
betternottomention~

overall, things I wanna do was a bit better than the previous year.

At least, dear M performed terawih prayers each nite without fail. Sayang laki aku and we performed jemaah quite a lot.

I made biscuits too. M was so collaborative in money wise by investing some mullah on buying cooking ingredients. I endup making pineapple tarts. the almonds still in cabinets and I guess london will only be in UK or ontario. not in a cookie jar.

from haj to home-schooled

It's time for haj and a friend of mine is going in 2 weeks. as a friend I paid her a visit, well actually, I was asking for her favor to bring some stuff to my othr friend in her MIL's hometown.

I was totally envied. I really wanna go for haj. money is there but the mean is nowhere to present. At least i have to be realistic in paying my MARA loan first.

Anyway, Interesting topic was brought up in the 3 hrs conversation. they were actually talking or actually practising home-schooling.

the topic was wayyyy ouuutttttttt of my league. Seriously, I felt like I was so incompetent or very lack of knowledge. I mean, these women they are very serious about the sekolah dirumah thingy, and I dont know if the word ashamed described me best when they asked me, "do you know this author and that author".

Of course I am very familiar with Tony Wong. I bet my to be children will be masterred with the chinese kungfu ilmiah if I have to pass down the knowledge of hikmats in Tony wong's skillful artistic literature.

Probably not, coz M opposed to this particulary reading interest of mine and he shall see the extinct of the kungfu kitabs in about time. dengki gila mamat ni.

SO, what do i really think of home-schooling? my honest answer I can give, I dont really care. I mean, I can't overprotected my kids. they need that versatility of friends, a diversity background of beliefs, culture and language of peers not necessarily friends. My friends who made who I am today. Not really my parents or sibling. I think I learnt a lot from my friends' experiences rather than from my parents'.

but 2 against 1, who's gonna win. go figure!

note: whatever opinions expressed in this blog is only entitled by yours truly and does not represent anyone else.

Hari raya Chronology

2008:
Hari Raya Posa - Ottawa
Hari Raya Korban - tbd

2007:
Hari Raya Posa - Hull
Hari Raya Korban - Ottawa

2006:
Hari Raya Posa - Hull
Hari Raya Korban - Hull

2005:
Hari Raya Posa - Hull
Hari Raya Korban - Hull

2004:
Hari Raya Posa - Hull
Hari Raya Korban - Hull

2003:
Hari Raya Posa - Los Angeles
Hari Raya Korban - Los Angeles

2002:
Hari Raya Posa - Los Angeles
Hari Raya Korban - Los Angeles

2001:
Hari Raya Posa - Virginia
Hari Raya Korban - Hull

2000:
Hari Raya Posa - New Mexico
Hari Raya Korban - Los Angeles


in total I celebrated 17 Eids in perantauan. manalah aku tak sangap

when money is everything

Last nite when I was on my routine to pick up M from work, a french couple stopped me at the st and asked for my help to send them to nearby college coz their son was hurt during practise. I know M is going to kill me for picking up strangers but I trusted my instinct when I saw a help is needed.

Most of the time, they rambled in french which I just understood 65% of it (see, that's why I hate to converse with adult coz they speak too fast). I offered to send them to the hospital coz apparently the son has been sent earlier and I told them that I can drop them at the bus stn coz it is in my way. Instead, the husband asked me to drop them back to their home (which is not far than my house)coz yada yada yada.

Turned out that they are one of the welfare families lives behind the fence. From the conversation, I roughly figured that they dont have cash at all and unfortunately none of the nearest kins are much willing to help. I helped what I can and I made a HUGE mistake by giving my cell. buduh and buduh. they kept calling me about not enough cash to pay the taxi and this and that.

Seriously, If I have enough CASH, I wouldn't mind helping them, first and last and never mention my name again. but, I just spent more than couple of hundreds on the voiture and couples of hundreds on the credit card and my acct is going down to the lowest of 2 digits. and that's not so pretty sight from my spenditure glasses okay.

and my biweekly allowance not until next week. I was even politely rejected M's offer when he stopped at starbuck coz i didnt have any cash to pay my mocha ( I tend to pay my own if I wanted a pricy coffee dose).

too bad the mocha was not my rizq. M dropped it right at the passenger door. Irony kan.


Nevertheless, I feel blessed. although we are not rich, Insyaa Allah, I dont think so that we will have no problem of sending one of us to the hospital if something's happened. nauzubillah.

Skit

From: Ahkak Cun
To: M
Subject: FW: Details for Display Diploma Form
Date: Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:55:33 +0000

honey, can u please print out the form (pdf) from the link and this e-mail as well. thank you XOXO.

p/s i'm trying all the new clothes. thank you thank you thank you



~ahkak cun~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RE: Details for Display Diploma Form‏
From: M
Sent: Monday, 29 Sep, 2008 4: 35 PM
To: Ahkak Cun

have fun datin wife :-)

Potty Patty Pans

After dropping M, I accidentally dropped myself at Canadian tire and Zeller's and found myself walking with handful bags of goodies. household goodies that is.

It must be a pleasure to be unofficial Lady of Leisure.

I mean let me enjoy before M decided to take away my Credit card privilege or biweekly allowance.

then, I would be in dire to get a job. ANY job.

Unlike typical REAL Lady of Leisure, I usually have my spree in cooking aisle. Alangkah bestnya if M would let me spend or taking advantage on his hard earned cash on cooking stuffs dari barang kemas yg ntahhapahapa dan mahal nak mampus. satu cincin bodoh pun dah dapat satu lagostina non stick 10" frying pan. While browsing around, I was day dreaming how lovely can it be if I can get to pick and choose those plates, cooking trays. eeeiiii bestnya.

Recently, we've decided to makeover our daily plates by donating all of it to the students and get a new ones. Seriously, when I passed the correlle shelf, I was berdoa that my cabinet will be stuffed with these particularly brand. However, after some serious thoughts and walking back to memory lane of the poor unbreakable commercial-cliche plates which failed to survive in my tender hand, I raise a white flag and opt for something cheaper.

I know those plates will end up either broken in tong sampah or someone's table.

and M has this annoying habit of giving away things, not just any things but always happen to be my kitchen things when we move to a new home.

so, final verdict.. buy a very very CHEAP stuffs.

But I really want that 10" Artisan Heritage non stick frying pan. and it would be very great with a lid.

I think I am going to make my cooking pans as heirloom.

Snow is coming to town

It's freezing -9C. Am listening to Lifehouse's broken. Ntahhapahapa lagu ni.. Last nite was the first snow for the season, not practically this year coz we had snow until April. Holly Molly. just six months sans snow. That's CanAda. The meteo said it wil 25cm snow fall. The snow storm was pretty bad when I came back from Badminton last nite. Good thing about the storm, the courts were emptied and we were actually playing for 1 1/2hr straight. berpeluh guek. but I intend to exercise more and talking about this i might want to continue my swimming thingy at CU. haiahhh.. fat fat fat shoosh shoosh away from my body.

My digital camera totally kaput. broken beyond repair. but I do have pics of hari raya. And the children are no longer little cute kitties. they all turned to these monstreous tigers. Jahat macam hantu.

okidok, I need to continue fixing my resume and continue sending it to companies. no luck so far. couple of agency contacting me back but banyak songeh la. ciss

just for a short break

ihave tons of cookings to do
uno - roti jala
dos - pengat durian => finito
tres - cucoq badak
quatro - karipap

last nite the seniors and couple of female jrs were making Western nite. M didnt go but mocking me with the western thingy. I brought some leftovers, and he spitted it out.menghina sungguh. and cooked a macaroni instead. He still refused to accept the idea of eating boiled corn and/or eat the corns alone. he always told me corn is a horse food.

Anyhuu, we tried to minimize the qty as we wanted to apply NO LEFTOVERS. but the food apparently to be a lot (probably less ppl showed up). but overall, in my humble-way-less-than-perfect-western-culinary-experience the food is not that bad. Ina and the gals were doing most of the stuff while I was busy baking a choc chip marble cup cake.

and I have another open house for the last time of this syawal month. Have a day to go to complete my puasa 6. I think I wanna write a post about what I have really done in Ramadhan.

Not much I assure you. pathetically very few.

adios

note from writer: M spitted out the chicken coz it was uncooked. sib baik tak kena salmonella laki haku

Oh hari raya!

this my 9th eid consecutively in perantauan. Honestly, I got very infuriated this time. Why, if you guys may ask - I want to go home and celebrate hari raya with my family, my mother, my brothers and sisters, my nephews and nieces, my relatives and friends, and not forgetting love thy neighbors. Oh dear M is missing. M, we both know that it is most impossible for you to go home with me. I couldnt force myself to write coz I felt heavy on my chest when I start thinking about all this. btw, I just got a call for an interview, not for a technical job. the interview calls for financial analyst. most of the job at the career fair meant for 2009 and they will start to look for their future amahs by the end of October. I guess any job can kill the time.

haihhh

Pretty busy these days. I dont really have time for 'moi'. just completed the teaching job. Not too bad actually, it has inspired me to apply for a math tutor position. I mean I LOVE doing part time job. the money is not that great like when I tutored at Carleton (hey, I got almost $40/hr okay), but mullah is still a mullah even it is only a penny. but the pleasure of having a time to do house chores, play around with kitties and of course Anyau, make me think twice of just taking a part time job. Nevertheless, I am still going to the job fair which fall on first and second day hari raya and I actually voluntered to help around (talking about building a networking). I think I really make quite a progress on applying kerja jurutera. LAst nite, M helped me to scan my transcript, my Master's that is. He looked at me and said,
M:I think you shud have no problem to apply for PhD.
AC:oh yeah, (pohyo sket)I still can get a full scholarship from Carleton but it just that I dont want to. I dont think so PhD is so for me.
Aku rasa mamat ni dah macam agak bengang sket bila haku cakap macam ni.
M:Why not, IF you dont get a job, might as well go for your PhD.
AC:errr.. why dont I try to get a job as much as I can. If I failed that I put that as in an option.
ini dia punya helah tak mau keturunan lagi la ni. asal nak membiak aja, oh tak bleh la, belajar lagi la hapa la.. last2 aku blah aja kang.. to think about it. kalau aku dah kerja pun, dia akan ngelat punya.. arrgg lantaklah

Not too long..

the month of Ramadhan will be over and it will be my consecutively 8th Eid in perantauan. Though I was so determined to celebrate Eid this year at home but you know, man proposed, God disposed. This is my least of cooking month since M is taking over the cocina completely. Again, no complaints. The fact that he cooked the main course complete with desert, really put me in the position of do-I-really-need-to-do-all-that-too-later. Alhamdullilah, Allah AWT rewarded me with extra rizq; extra money from murtabak order for National day and part time teaching. Though I will use all the money to pay the bills before I collect the debt. Hopefully Allah will grant me more rizq by landing me any engineering job. speaking of that I will be attending a job fair today from Microsoft and career fair on the 1st and 2nd day of Eid. Hopefully, I will have the chance to at least go for a 1st round of interview. and if I got a job, 1st thing 1st, buy myself a decent new car (interest free-of course) Pomonagilfren bought her brand-new Honda CRV for only $19k. Tsk!TSk! I was so envious when hopping onto her new SUV - compare to her Daewoo which sungguh banyak berjasa membawa aku pulang kerumah hampir setiap hari ke sekolah. Please Ya Allah, di bulan yg mulia ini, lapangkan rezekiku di mukabumiMu. Amin!

muaahhhsss XOXO

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie
You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums, You're
the Apple of my Eye

And I love you so and I want you to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear!

Voila Bon Appetite

Mon mari was kind enough to prepare iftar for both of us. He had been cooking more than I had lately (which I am not complaining) but the last iftar he cooked was fantastically yummy. since I got my new gadget yesterday, I can download the pictures from the camera. So honey, terima kasih daun keladi, kalau boleh masak sedap-sedap lagi. pandai dak aku jek laki haku..huar huar huar

Err..err..hmmmm

Semalamkan menu bukak posa punyalah tak enak ya Rabbi kerana sidia masak. sidia telah memaksaku memakan bijiran dan sayursayuran dan roti supaya pencernaanku berjalan lebih lancar. Nasib baik ada sup penyelamat yg aku masak.
mental lu aku cakap. masa suapan terakhir tu, aku dah rasa segala kekacang tu diparas tengkuk aku dah.
Masalahnya, makanan yg dimasak semalam masih berlebihan. teramatlah cerahnya peluang untuk kami berbuka puasa menda yg sama. disaat getir macam ini, tak adakah sesiapa yg sudi menjemput kami berbuka puasa.
aku terpaksa berbicara didalam bahasa ibunda untuk menganyam ketupat kerana sidia sudah mengenalpasti ruangan penulisan ini dan sesungguhnya sungguh sukar untuk aku mengolah penulisan bahasa ibunda yg lebih santai kerana sidia sudah dapat memahaminya tanpa kesulitan dan tak pasai2 nanti aku jua yg merana

R.I.P...or ...hiatus

Dear reader, I guess the journey of this blog will come to an end. I never thought my careless mind/writing had hurt some feelings. And those feelings I've hurt, they are meant so much to me and therefore, no way I will drag them into my blogging innuendo. Nevertheless, I still wanna continue about my weight (although it is also in hiatus mode right now) or maybe I write something about my present and future. something more family-friendly which can be enjoyed by the rest of my closest kin and other half. I love you M. becoz of you my world is much better place to live in

That is so euuwww!!

Actually this post is a continuity from tales of yesterday. I told you I want to badmouthed M right.

Remember my foolish day, Okay, I picked up M on the way and was not in the mood of cooking. WE have lotsa leftovers anyway, We still have beef beriyani, homemade salsa from Sis S and laksa paste from IK. Not mentioning , my kuih badak which I waited for longest time to make it and tart nenas.

Anyway, being a thoughtful wife, I asked M to finish up the beriyani whichlater he refused coz he just ate it during his lunch break. Sooo he asked me to finish it instead. He had his baguette with cheese and salad. I was so optimistic that that was not enough. I went upstair to change and went I came down to the kitchen, I saw M was cooking rice.

AC: What's this for? You can share half of my beriani.
M: "Tak Mau". I'll have this rice
AC: With what? Do you want sardine with it ( Oh we do have a sardine leftover in the weekend). Or I can cook you a shrimp or something (alamak tak bestnya nak kena masak)
M: Why you wanna cook? I have nasik with this and this. (M pointed to salsa and kuah laksa)
AC: you must be kidding me. we dont eat rice with that
M: Why not?! The salsa is veges and the laksa is fish. I have my vege and protein. that's enough.
AC: Are you out of your mind?! Gila hapa, lemme cook somethin' for ya or you can eat it with sardine.
M: SARDINE??!!!herrrr (M shivered)

I let him continued with his crazy idea of eating kuah laksa and salsa with rice. Thinking that he would change his mind when he eats it

on the dining table, M arranging the kuah laksa, salsa and rice for his souper

AC: you are so not going to eat that. It is so disgusting.
M: Why not, you guys eat laksa with the noodles made from rice, right? and this is rice too. What's difference will it make.
AC: It is made from rice but people never eat kuah laksa with rice. It's a BIG NO-NO. Never in my entire lifetime, I've seen any melayu eats kuah laksa with rice.
M: (shoved a spoon of rice with kuah laksa and salsa to his mouth). hmmm, seedappp. D'you wanna taste some? (M took another spoon and tried to shove it to me)
AC: Yuckss. Over my dead body.

And I kept euww here and there and tried hard to convince M that whatever he had right now was totally unacceptable in Malaysian food comprehension.

post pohyo daghi Ahkak Chung

If you cannot stand any keperahsantanan, I strongly advised you not to proceed reading this post.

Still wanna read? DOnt say that I didnt warn y'all

Ahaksss.. In my previous post, I did mention that I missed my appointment and I felt like a fool BIG time. This time around, I set my cell phone an alarm so I wont missed my appointment again. I was at 2nd floor when suddenly my stomach was aching badly. Ironically, I was imagining yesterday, what am I suppose to do if I sakit perut during the meeting, and now, My stomach hurt so bad and I only had 10 minutes in my hand. ARRGHHHHH!! Wrong timing giler

Well, when I got to go means I REALLY am got to go. I managed to do some express colon cleaning in 7 minutes and went upstairs immediately. Met the same bubbly gal and had to wait for MrGP as he had another student with him.
To be honest, I was a bit terrified coz my resume was a 4 pages long. I mean it's more like CV than a resume and I dont even include my Diploma coz the 2 degrees I have already filled up the 1st whole page. So when I got to his room, when he arranged my a-mile long resume, I was expected he would be slashing the content here and there. And I didnt bother to check my grammar (uh uh if you noticed the silly errors in all my posts, y'll know what I mean). I mean let's leave it to the pro.

the perahsantanan content will start from here

MrGP at the 1st page of my resume
MrGP: wow (with capital W), I am very impressed. ypur career summary is really well written.
AC: (sengih tersipu-sipu). Do you think so?( of course I think so, I just cut and paste from Internet and changed the words a bit here and there). Well Thank you (aaaa aku sungguh fake)

MrGP continued reading the whole page
MrGP: Yeah this is very good. I really am impressed. you see, usually the engineering students they have all this technical skills but it's hardly to find those who can write a very good resume. they really have a problem in telling the hiring manager in a simple way without using all these technical terms what they do and know. And your resume, you wrote it very nicely and the flow. I mean, I dont have an engineering background but I dont have problem to understand all the projects you have done
AC: Thank you again ( masa nikan, hidung aku punya kembang kempis,serombong kapal pun boleh sumbat gamaknya)

MrGP continued to read and wowed and threw some complimentary words such as 'this is very cool' and 'fantastic' here and there.

then MrGP said something that made my seluaq dalam rasa nak terkoyak.
MrGP: Wow, you should teach a class to Engineering students how to write a resume coz this is a very perfect example.
AC: you know what G, this is a month worth of work. I took my time to prepare my resume. I dont rush in doing it. It's not a pressure work. Besides that, I followed what I learned in the workshop and what the website has (yes hons, say whatever you want to say, I am a BIG ASS sucking up now)

I took out few contents from the whole conversation. It just something about how good my this and that. T o top up my poyoness, I post some of my resume. harharhar

Well, dont get me wrong. If he thinks my resume is damn good, you guys might want to sample out the layout I used and have an idea how it should look like. I was like hell looking for a good actual sample and what I did was combining two types of resume into 1. This is meant for Engineering background resume, a different field may have slighly different layout.

btw, the pasted sample of resume will be on short displayed only. Will gladly to share the whole content with a special request (and of course with a major fabrication from the actual comtent)- i need to protect my privacy too y'know

~oopppsss terlebey sudah~

Tales of yesterday

why the plural? coz there are two BIG stories that happened and also there's story inside the stories. As usual, I am not a focused writer.

The stories began in the morning, I was still sleeping and actually had a dream when a whistle sound struck my ear (I set a whistle ringtone for my cellphone). I groaned a bit coz i had such a plesantly suprised dream. I was on RUNAWAY. Oui! c'est MOI. I was ushered to the backstage by this designer who supposed-to-be-famous-but-I-just-dunno-her-name and supposed to put on to this such horrible gray dress ( we all know that not all famous designer clothes are that jaw dropping, I mean it's jaw dropping alrite but it can be either way). While looking at that, my silly mind was thinking can my behemoth 'twin' can fit into that coz it was awfully small. Yes! I am practical even in my dreams. but of course my curiosity was cut by the ringtone.CIss.. tak nyempat2 aku nak bermodelling ala2 Gisele bundchen kehapa. It was a long distance call from back home; a daughter of my friend's practically boss going to CU and still has no place to settle down yet. Log story short, I managed to get this one apartment, to whom I met MrsNyonya and which bring to actually my 1st story. tudia intro aku separagraph.
I called MrsNyonya 1st before I went to see her. She kept saying, " is this for your son?" which annoys like hell coz I dont feel like I sound that old in the phone. I kept replying "NO, it's for my friend's friend's daughter." and I bet I lost her right there. But I thought when she saw me, the thought of 'for my son' will be subsided. Unfortunately. NO. MrsNyonya asked me again the same question. One thing came to my mind, AM I LOOK THAT FRIGGIN" OLD??!!! I couldn't possibly pass older than my eldest brother whose son just got accepted matriculation. or COULD I??!! C'mon I must look at least 15 years older to be deserve THAT kinda question.

Seriously, I blame the glass. SO lame, Iknow. but this glass really2 make me old. It's not worth the pric I paid. With that price, the glass shoud make me look younger, vibrer and if not prettier. AND I BLAME M for that. it was his stupid choice coz he was whining that all my glasses were outdated and ugly. I shoudnt let him choose glass for me. what a HUGE mistake I made.This is his treacherous coup to make me look haggardly OLD. I am so going to make it as my cooking glass once I got a new cheaper with a youthful taste one.

Let's move on to another tale. After my esteem had been butchered by MrsNyonya, I went to school for my resume checking appointment. I got there at 2:15pm, and I was 1million % sure that my appointment is on 3:30pm. I grunted coz I had to waste more than 1 hr waiting for the appointment. got myself a supplement chocolate bar which taste like a chalk. BLUWEK. and spent freaking $3.50 for that bloody disgusting taste. At 3:15pm went up to 4th floor for my appointment. Yeay, atleast I am one step further for my job hunting ( okay dude, it was a snail process I know, but I am a procrastinator, so what?!). And I was happy too coz the girl at the counter desk was all-sun-shine-happy-face. However, I felt like a thunder light stricking when she said that my appointment was actually on 3pm and due to their 10 minutes-late policy, she has to reschedule me. ARRGGHH. I think I almost PASSed-out. Did I wake up at the wrong side of the bed today?! the unfinished dream, looked way older than I am, the missed rendezvous.

Whatever it is, it's enough to make me cranky all day and jeopardize my diet, but I got myself a pair of flats.

there's actually another story but I wanna keep it for the next post or so coz i want to bad-mouthed M again.

Blog conundrum

After I deleted my friendster account which also contained my first-ever blog, I transferred to more video friendly blog aka blogspot. However, unlike the first time, I let ppl know about my blog existence but this time my readers are only those who happened to trace bits and pieces I left around in blogsphere. Okay, some of them I did give them the link :P. Anyhuu, I have multiply acct, so to speak, for my recipes compilation. but it's annoying me as hell. I know, I know, there are plenty of cooking blogs why do I need to add another one. it is redundant. The thing is when I was at home or around, peeps were asking me how do I make this and that. the recipes are in the internet as well (it's where I got it at the 1st place). When my big sista was asking for a recipes ( does she has time anyway) I was kinda reluctant to tell her that,"oh, it's in my blog" and she will reply, " you have a blog?! why dont you tell me?". Errr..habislah takdak tempat nak ngumpat dowh.
Since I am dieting now and I really want make it as a VERY serious business and I really want to lose the excessive pounds, I'd like to open a new blog solely for my bitter strrrrrrrrugle to lose weight and look good and feel healthy and live longer. I will underline every little foodie that goes into my mouth and what I have done to wipe the calories. either cheat or truth. you will be exposed the ugly cottage cheese, the keg size belly, those jiggly chicken wings ( oh yeah I have wings that I can almost fly). Just kidding, no obscene of felsh will be on display. the most it will be my very round face with the double chin of course. probably a closeup to my gargantuan arm.
The other one which I updated during emotionally stressed. personal-realted issues. I put it for public for quite a while until I felt like it became too personal and too emooooooooooooo and I dont think so I am so ready to share that with anyone that intimate. Therefore, the belum pasti was launched due to my sporadic renewals of my enthuasims towards bloging. How's that. It's very touché journey

Not Again!

I got puss in my ear again. It's my earlope to be precise. this is my ummptenth time i got it there, either right or left. nad it came with one-side massive headache, and it's echoing like a cave inside there.
On the other hand, I have completed my resume and will send it to career center for scan thru. Writing a resume these days is not as easy as it used to be. to have good grades in your belt is not a VIP ticket to land you the best job in town. especially when you start mumble jumbo during interview - I tend to do that. Sheer luck is vital.
Speaking of which, I really need to gear-up the linux and unix programming, therefore, I canimpress my future employer with my software knowledge. Or at least brush up my rusty drawing software. But my laptop has broken ENTER key. and dearie M became such a procrastinator to fix mine. And I am hating this PC coz everything looks so blurry if i dont put a glass on (it's like ameter apart - the stupid LCD monitor saves space on the desk but so unfriendly to my blind eyes). but the ENTER key works. What a bummer. Cant win them all, they said.
Speaking of this which, I need to e-mail some friends for software and also to let know other friend to give anyone contact # for another friend.

btw, my kitties are not proportionate in size. 3 of them are 100grams more than the tiniest one. M and I is now his surrogate mother. and I have 4 male kitties. love 'em all

Last whole weekend I became a supir and M's royal escort to his shopping spree. Shopping with him was so NOT fun. He'll never let me out of his sight although I managed to dissapear in women and kitchen section for a while. But ofcourse, the consequence caused pain in ears with lame nags from M.
Well M, dont blame me if I MIA. It was a real torture to see you pick and choose any bargain while I just watched and bite lips.During that moment, I really wished I am working and have my own money to spend on me and only me without anyone scrutinize the price tag and reminding me about things I already have. I mean look at all my friends now, they all are climbing the ladder and I am struggling to write the never end resume. They have a solid experiences with global-wide networking and I only have prof who insisted me to do PhD. Can't he tell that I what am interested is only Mullah.
I am happy for my friend of course, but at my last reunion, be it my ol' friends from school or university, they all have careers, got promoted and whatnot. It pretty dissapointing too when I have to turn down some offers from south due to my status inability. But what stopping me from to find a job here, why I am so lazy to kick off for job hunt. WHAT THE HELL I AM WAITING FOR.

Seriously, I think I have problem with me.

anyway, M bought quite handful for himself and such a cute dress which I cannot fit. Dont worry baby, mama is working hard to squeeze in

layan

layan jugak minah ni but during AIM she was astounding pretty. mesti geram Faizal tahir tgk. huarhuarhuar, sorry aaa superman, Sinclair got her 1st, you'd better buckle up with yr wife and the bandwagon.

But kesian-lah this guy, malu giler. If I were the guy, probably the girl will be showering with the orange juice.

Speaking of this, jeng jeng jeng. flash back to ol' memories, my classmate, thegeek, used to hangout with me and the bunch of boys after class or during class break. Usually, he was a loner but one day after lab, he decided to loafing with us. He did most of the talkings, mostly philosophy type of conversation. And for some the reason the crowd that I hang out that day brought their lives' philosophies to the table. I also have pride to save okay, so I threw some bunch saying this and that and gave my smartest opinions to the group. and guess what thegeek was impressed with me and from that day, I noticed he started to hang out with us more often.
Yg tak bestnya, thegeek tak hensemlah. and he was such a dork.
Usually, after CAD class which was on Thursday's nite, we will go to Kenangan Inn for supper and real ghost stories that actually happenned around the hostel and school (interestingkan tp takut siall). And yg tak bestnya, evey thursday nite too, thegeek will hang with us and insisted to walk me to my college which is not that far from the boy's college. AArrgggg... tak mau. So, there was incident like Ingkar clip. Tapi aku lagi nastylah. Poor thegeek. I dont know where he is now, he flunked suring 3rd semester, he was too much on the computer. He actually broughthis laptop to the class and during that time what you need is only pen and notebook.

So what!

Curry was never my thing. I cooked one last nite and the taste was far from what I had it at home or someone else home. however, since I was so lazy to cook some nice dinner, I just cooked it with instant roti canai for a quick fix. Afterall, M was freaking hungry (the meeting in downtown only served crappy lunch - according to him)and I was lazy. So, during dinner, I shared his dinner since I dont want to overeat (remember that I need to shake off some lbs), as i dont fancy curry, I just dipped the roti canai with sugar. Well, this is not the 1st time, M saw me eating roti canai with sugar but he was wondering why dont I like to eat it with curry. Well, I told him that I dont like roti canai to begin with, and I used to skip breakfast if it's roti canai and if I have to eat it, I will eat it with onion pickles. Plus, I dont like curry. to my annoying, he was laughing his arse," you dont like curry? how many times I saw you eating curry ayam, beef, ikan at people's house or you cooked it many times at home."
Hellooooo!!!! first of all, I dont cook curry that often. I still have the same spices for more than 4 years and I cook it because someone requested it aka YOU. I tried to explain my beloved M, coming from Northern part of Malaysia, curry is a-must-have-dish on the table every SINGLE day. To cook it once in a blue moon does not make me a curry lover. As a matter of fact, I started to eat curry when I went to States. for some reason, I started to crave for food that I dont bother to eat in Malaysia. And funny, I dont mind eating all that anymore except masak lemak cili api or petai or tempoyak or nasi dagang or budu. they still dont cut into the list yet.

M mockingly said, " that's we called homesick." Eeeeee.. geramnya aku mamat ni

to be or not to be THIN

typical women's issue. I dont have to go further but after reading my ol' friend's blog that she's under heavy regime of toning down, I felt a bit motivated to shed some pounds. There are thousand of reasons which I can think of why do I need to lose some weight; to top them all is maybe M was getting tired with the way I look (yeah, so vain of him) and he kept using wedonthavekidnowbecauseyouaresofat excuse which i detest it so much. on the other hand, or rather, looking at the glass half full, my HEALTH. my health is getting deteriorate while the scale of my weight's going up.
But after 100th attempts of losing weight, I hope I can stay true and see some positive changing PHYSICALLY.

Can I discipline myself? we'll see from here. I hope M doesnt nag and shoot my spirit down with all his nasty remarks. He's like this monster from green stinky swamp when he saw me fasting or doing any diet thingy. how on earth will i be able to lose weight if i ever receive these kind of supports from him. I think the reason why I always quitting halfway is due to my retaliation towards him. rasakan ko.

Our bundle of joy

Our daughter has given birth to four beautiful kitties and they make M and I grannies. We were very thrilled and wowed with tiny ones and I really hope M will not proceed with his plan to give away some of the ugly kitties. Well, anyau didnt produce any munchkin or puffy kitties and therefore I dont feel any need to discriminate them all in how they should be loved and cared. Oh yes, I have a thing with cats especially kitties. they just bright my world with their red noses and hissing sound. Now, every morning, instead of hug or smooch me, I can see M tertonggek tonggek inside my closet to see the tiny-s and of course our always and forever tiny Anyau. Anyau was purring so loud whenever we pay her a visit in my closet. I can see that she try to dig my tudung box for a labor spot. Phewww.. Can u just imagine if that's really happened? and yes, Anyau has a taste too, she delivered the kitties in style ~ on my ettienne and 9W handbag and I dont even use my 9W bag yet. the price tag is still there. ~sigh~
M has to work hard since he has a family of 7 to feed and I desperately need to expedite my job hunting process. We need bigger poop sand box and special cat litter. and of course, we will defenitely has to spay anyau and her tykes. and she needs an extra injection coz my daughter now is bohsia in making. it seems like all the neighborhood male cats has their share in Anyau's produce.

kon'nichiwa Nihon-san

During our lunch-date at Japanese all-u-can-eat restaurant, I mentioned to M that if I need a place to crash in Japan, I always have a friend who is now residing in Japan but will go back to homeland soon in October, okay not so always. I told M about the tale that my friend had gone through. She took unpaid leave just to follow dear hubby who was very much wanted to pursue his Master's degree. they both applied for JPA, which for my friend's side was for the sake of pleasure and end-up, she got the scholar and the husband; niet. How pathetic is that. Since M is so anything-about-Japan-awe-inspiring, I asked him whether he is interested to live in Japan. Biensur, replied M. " and why we both apply for japan scholarship, once I am done with my Master's." "Excuse me,hon, WE?" and when on earth do I agree to do PhD and in Japan?!!. I felt like one sushi stuck in my throat or I felt like I just ate the poisonous fish that the usual Japanese resto has.
My oh my, did he leave his disfunctional memory somewhere. To reason his thoughts, I asked him whether he is very much willingly to let go his effing-figure salary for a poverty life aka student's life. And for myself, I dont mind taking a TESL certificate and teach English in Japan although my English is barely half step advanced than the Japanese themselves. but why bother asking me to take PhD. I lost my appetite of the unneccesary that he brought up. thank God, I've finished one bowl of rice with Salmon terriyaki, 1 bowl of edamame, 3 shrimps tempura, half plate of calamari tempura and 3 rolls of sushi. and I lost count on how much cup of green teas i've dunked.

To do list

1. update resume

2. find a job

3. get a job

will update from time to time

this is my fav malay song when I was in malaysia and I played it out loud when it was aired on the radio. I listened the song 1st time when I saw Nubhan of AF6 sung this song. I like him probably to his chinese look but he indeed have a nice voice although not really a good singer. what the heck. I dont really bother with any reality shows except for drop dead gorgeous michael johns.
I wonder if any malay guys feel toward me like in this song in those yesteryears..
hmmm ..let me count.. sepuluh, dua puluh, sembilan... uh uh - angka kosong jer.

anyway, another song that kinda get my rock kapak attention


why-lah all the asean gals they all are so freaking skinny and extra small size. tak cukup makan ke dik, harga beras dah naik. am so freaking stress to look up for my extra large size clothing. my waist line and bulging belly has enter to danger zone. SOS. should I join the curves or should I keep it low as I am experiencing mullah drainage right now. the latter would be the right choice right now.

Graduate of 2008

Yeay I am graduated at last. with a bow and shake hand. Hoorah, I am no longer attached to any boring school stuff. M was hinting that I might hit back the road in 2 years but I was so determined to make this as my last schooling experience. I was a bit dismayed that I may not have familiar face/s to celebrate with but luckily I saw Scott who lined up right behind me and sat beside me throughout the commencement. It was an extra special too cause M was there and I could see his jolly face among the audiences taking picture of me. mak like usual kept blowing a flying kiss and I spotted my aunt with a very bright red shirt struggled to stand on the chair to snap a 10 seconds of moi standing right front of the audience while my name was announced profusely.
nevertheless the whole excitement was duped by the nature call disruption at the beginning of the ceremony. I'd peed before the march but what on earth i still want to weewee.. turned out I got red flag and we have to chase home right away after one of the historic momentos of my life was done. Mak and mummy was abit dissapointed I had to change my gown and hood quickly and they havent got a chance to snap my picture solo on stage. apparently, God's gift have to attain foremost.

She's leaving on the jetplane

I had a chance to spend quality time with mak for almost 2 months. but alas, things didnt came out as I planned/wished. After 4 years of separation and the contact medium was only telephone, I found that mak has formed to a new 'ripe' woman who thinks that she can handle things all by herself in her own way. Which in our travel conditions or in my way of dealing official matters with government officers doesnt sync very well with hers. It left me with abundant stress, raging hormones, and sadly buckets of tears. I always get my way with M thru tears but not with my defiant mak. She became a bureacratic-colonial nightmare and I, opposite to that, was battled to stand for what I believe in while tried so hard no to hurting her over-sensitively feelings.
I love my mak dearly. I am glad I have relinquished the traditional uptight bringing ( or an ol' boyish me) of a NO-NO hugging or kissing dear mom. I want to kiss her forehead or her cheeks while she's still breathing and tell her how much I love her or whatnot. Although I have been a total spoiled of not going to kitchen at all for the month and half but in 10 days of her stays in Canada, I cooked (although I know she would complained or commented later to my sisters), cleaned or things that I can do to serve her. M also was a charm. Although I know at times, she may feel annoyed at me but with M, she felt that she was well-respected by her son-in-law. maybe the liz claiborne stilletos does the trick. hmm.. I wonder.
To mak, whatever it is. I love you with all my heart, my deepest apology for any misdeeds I have done and hurting words I have spilled. Never any of these incidents were intended. I think.

Mak, I wished you well and have a healthy life and longer years to live so we will be able to do this again. hopefully you are strong enough to take care of me during my labor days. Not it will come so soon. So mak stay healthy and take good care of yourself.

love XOXO ~axxx~

Merdeka!Merdeka!Merdeka!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I am, atlast, free from school assignment, pain in the butt simulation, torturing nags from supervisor and unwanted stay-ups.

But I got a massive headache today and the joy was a bit messed up.

long-haired guy

we both down with bad flu and fever last week. M got it 1st and he didnt go to work for the whole week and I got it last nite. Probably it just a fever, my body was pretty exhausted with load of cooking. I baked a NY cheesecake, apparently cheesecake and I dont have a good chemistry. The taste was awesome, okay, not that bad but the appearance was way below the par. M was so upset when I forced him to taste the cake, well, I forced him to transfer the fragile cake to the plate as I dont want to put the blame on me if something went wrong. Oh yeah, he is my scapegoat.
I also make an ice cream cake which became a hit. the cake was gone in a split of seconds when it was taken out from the fridge. I think the butterscotch and hot fudge added some mojo to the cake too. I didnt take any picture of the cake because I felt a bit timid to snap pic of my own cake while having loads of peeps watching it. the embarrasment is too huge.
Anyway, back to the original topic. I called mak and told that M was having a 'demam kura kura' and she advised M to cut his hair to reduce the heat. What's hair got to do with fever? you tell me. I adore guy with long hair, a shoulder length to be exact. not like awie's when he was singing 'Misteri Mimpi Syakilla' in the end of 80s. M hasnt cut his hair since we got married, opps, he cut it once, when I was mistakenly destroyed his fringe. apparently, his hair is longer than mine, thank God for the curls or else i felt like I married to one of this rocker band-mate. Yikes. Dont mind at all if he looks like Jon Bon Jovi, though.

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

Dear M bought me a box of Godiva chocolate. too bad i ate two full plates of Nasi ayam.

It was a good dinner

I really have no idea how to make a nice thick soup. A western soup kinda. I rely 110% to beloved M to cook it for us. I mean , c'mon, he was whinning non stop about my soup over and over again for the pass 7 years. Anyway, last night, after I watched "Ricardo and friends" cooking series which M hates it very much. I was so intrigued to try his yellow bell soup which looks so Yumm-O.
Hmm, since I have to go to see madame for thesis correction, I decided to buy some yellow peppers and deposited some mullahs. M called me when I was doing my shopping and asking for flowers. Idiot, he the one who should get me a bunch. Anyway, back to my dinner. M was shaking to the bone cause he was dead hungry. moi aussi mais je suis patient ( je ne sais pas que est s'apelle patient en francais). a horrid translation from english to french. No biggy.
The recipe was freaking easy and it tasted fantastic. the taste is like the soup I usually get from the university cafeteria which by the way M detests it very much. Well, he hates almost everything that is non-home cooked. The chicken suprisingly turned out to be good as well. My express dine become a pretty exquiste oh la la dinner. not bad for a valentine's night except we dont have any candle to lit up the mood.
we settled down the night with nice and easy stomach and a handful of honey roasted almonds.

Mutton curry anyone?

I know tonight my heart will be pounding hard. I just ate durian and I cook mutton for dinner. and I used the curry powder from the box which is super HAWT. I cooked it once , not quite a long time ago , and it caused a massive headache and my voice.

Doesnt mean that I am allergy to the lamb or the meat is too HAWT for me to handle ~denial!denial!denial!~ I just never fancy the taste of lamb. and the cook who usually cook the lamb is none other than mr M. and I told him that I am going to cook shrimp and veges. women, we never make up our minds eh.

Anyway, I think I am going to get my anxiety attack again. I think I hogging sweet stuffs too much these days. need to cut back some sugars.

The smell of the mutton kinda irk. shudda throw it or izza too late. well let M decide.

Thesis defense

Yesterday was the worst day in my life. and the eerie bad feeling just refused to go. Never again I will want to torture my very soul for things like this ever again. NEVER.EVER.

Now I know why a friend of mine burnt all his books when he was done with school. I, 100% feel the same way and understand very much his bizarre action.

4 hours of thesis defense with some questions that I, myself failed to answer. My stupid thoughts kept on muttering, what a heck- just deal with it. If you cannot answer them, just say 'I dont fucking KNOW you all ol' bastards.' And the bastards wanted me to correct some or quite handful corrections. DANG.

dont worry my vulnerable soul, you will not have to feel worry as I need not to do another 30 minutes of yakking. I just need to toil some so-called-world -reknowned-professors satisfaction.

the thing is , I dont feel relief. WHY o Why!

When it comes to the end, a new journey begins.

Tonight I officially cancelled my friendster account. I feel no use of having it anymore. It is cold turkey I know, but I just feel the need to do some clean up.

Oh sweet life, I dont even know how sweet it is anymore. Too many downs playrole in my recent days. too many pressures, too many heartaches, too many hates.

I just have to let go. I have to break free. I dont want to be where I am not supposed to be, where I am not welcomed to be.

From now on, I just want to stay silence. not of being mute but being voiceless. I have no story to tell or to share. no advise to give, nor opinion to share. I just a plain white wall with no expression. for now, I shall bury my sorrow deep down in me.

this blog is to share with people who really care about me. still I write it with the pleasure I solemnly want to share with people who deserve the love of true friends.

to you, the reader, who followed every step of the journey in my boring blogging life. I welcome you with warmest hugs.